


Repetition

by AverageOriginal



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 23:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 31,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5311883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AverageOriginal/pseuds/AverageOriginal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Recounting the past while they get back to where they left off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at a multi-chapter fic. Format note: [ ] in letters denotes character thoughts/actions.

"Come on, let's get moving. These women aren't going to see to themselves." The three of them turn to the bike corral and Patsy is hit with fear and worry. So much so that she freezes in place. She's stuck there like a scarecrow in a farmer's field. Though, she wouldn't even be able to scare a chickadee away now, considering how she feels.  
"Nurse Mount, get a move on. We haven't got all day." Sister Evangelina throws over her shoulder as she secures her bag. Trixie turns, noticing Patsy's stricken state and goes to say something, but then seems to understand and offers a sad but supportive smile.  
"Come on Patsy, it will be fine." Patsy manages a step before she shakes her head.  
"I don't think I can do this." She admits, painfully. She hates that she can feel her hands shaking; physically giving away how affected she is. Sister Evangelina sighs and walks over, leading Patsy with a hand on her back.  
"In this case, the expression 'get back on the horse' is appropriate. Nothing will happen, you have patients to see, so get back on that horse." She says sincerely but forcefully. Patsy hates that thing now. "Women are counting on you, and that takes priority over fear you may be having." Patsy knows Sister Evangeline is right, logically.  
"I just...need a minute, I think." Patsy hates that she's acting like this. Let alone that other people are seeing it. And it's not as if she could just ask Nurse Crane for a ride, that would be almost as bad.  
"You have one minute." The pointed finger really is redundant. "But if I hear you are late to Mrs. Grose, there will be hell to pay, understand?" Patsy nods and satisfied, apparently, Sister Evangelina gets on her own bicycle and pedals off. Trixie bows her head a bit, getting Patsy's attention.  
"You will be fine, Patsy. Nothing will happen. It was a freak accident. The same thing won't happen to you." Patsy goes back to staring at the bike. "Look, I have to go to Mr. Martin, who is five minutes past you. We'll take Victoria Street, so I can ride with you on your first leg, okay?" Patsy looks over, touched.  
"You would do that?"  
"Of course, silly. But as Sister Evangelina said, we best get a move on." Patsy can't chicken out after an offer like that, so she takes a breath and grabs the handlebars, pulling the bike from the rack. "There you go." Trixie encourages. After a short moment Patsy mounts the bike and starts to ride, albeit much slower than normal at first.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first attempt at a multi-chapter fic. Format note: [ ] in letters denotes character thoughts/actions.

Patsy spent days trying to figure out what to write to Delia. She had left the week before, and Patsy didn't know what to say. After sitting down to write countless times, and quite a bit of emotion later, all Patsy actually ends up writing is a few lines…

Dear Delia,

     I have to admit I've been sitting here for twenty minutes [longer, really...but Delia does not need to know that] trying to figure out what to write. I don't quite know what to say. Or at all, if I'm honest. So, I will keep it brief. I don't want to make what's going on with you harder by bombarding you with letters, so I will just say I hope you arrived safely. I am sad that you have left, but of course your parents are going to do what they think is best when you are hurt. Did the doctors give you good medicine to help limit potential seizures? Our doctor here normally prescribes a kind of ethosuximide. And I hope you have a competent doctor close to where you are. I hope you settle into your parent's house, and that perhaps the familiar surroundings of your childhood will start to jog your memory a bit. They can no doubt fill you in on that part of your past, but if you have any questions or would like to know about your life in London, especially the last four or five years, please don't hesitate to write. Or if I can help in any other way, since I am only a stamp away. I hope to hear from you at some point, but good luck even if I don't.

Kindest regards,

Patsy

There was so much more Patsy had wanted to say, but there was no point. Delia was so confused at the hospital; she was a different person now. Or rather, probably would be when she figured out who that was eventually. So at least Patsy could help with that, if possible. Make things easier for Delia. That was what she could offer now.

 

Patsy was so pleased to get a response; a short reply written in a strange hand. It sat tucked in between the pages of a book for two days until she felt up to reading it. 

Dear Patsy,

     Thank you for your letter and your concern. It is nice to know there is someone else out there who knows something about my life.   
Our train ride back was uneventful, besides one small child being sick all over his sister. That resulted in quite a lot of screaming for a while. There weren't many things to move back with me from the nurses home, so it was rather simple. Though I haven't actually really started to go through the box yet, to see if any of it means anything to me.  
The doctor at the hospital did give me some medicine, yes. And the doctor here is fairly close, if I have any problem. I have had one short fit, but that has been it so far since leaving London.  
Are you sure you don't mind me asking silly questions? Such as how long we've been friends, and how we met? [Delia's use of the present tense makes Patsy smile, despite her watery eyes.] My mother said we had apparently just become flatmates. So recently, in fact, that I hadn't even had time to write her about it. I hope my sudden departure didn't cause too many problems with the landlord? Also, do you know if the accident was my fault, or the driver's? My mother does not think I should be asking, but I can't help focusing on it. Being closer to where it happened, if you have heard anything more in the time since I left, any information would be helpful. I think, at least.  
Again, I appreciate you offering to answer any questions I may have, very much so. Though, why you wish to be pen pals with an amnesiac is a mystery to me.

Sincerely,

Delia


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Format note: [ ] in letters denotes character thoughts/actions.

Dear Delia,

It was lovely getting your letter in the mail the other day. What a fantastic surprise! Though it was strange not to see your handwriting. Is your mother writing for you? If so, tell her that her penmanship is lovely. [It is nice, but Patsy misses seeing Delia's loopy handwriting.] Anyway, of course I don't mind you asking questions. Anything at all! Big, small, seemingly insignificant, what have you. I want you to get your memory back, if it's possible, and since I'm all the way out here in London, this is the only way I could potentially help. So ask away, please. I will answer all that I can. ['All I can manage, at least', Patsy doesn't write.] 

As for the questions in your letter, we have been friends since we met while working at the London hospital, about four years ago now. You had already been working there three weeks, and I essentially just started when we met in a hallway. Exchanged the usual pleasantries, your generic few words. But I guess each of us thought the other was nice enough that we talked more whenever we ran into each other. [In reality, Patsy thought she was adorable almost right from the start, and Delia revealed later that she wasn't sure what to think of this tall woman who, despite the job, was quick to smile. She knew she wanted to spend more time with her, at least.] We tended to share breaks when we'd pop outside for a smoke. [Their unofficial schedule seeming to sync up was completely intentional, they had both admitted later.] Well, I'd have a cigarette. You had stopped because it irritated your throat, but you said you still liked the smell. [True.] We talked and started to get to know each other a bit better slowly, but we really became closer when we were surprised [to say the least] to run into each other at a mutual friend's party. [Patsy never would have figured Delia to be this way. Never. She had been excited at the prospects of what could lie ahead when she knew though. And Delia may have hoped her initial interest wasn't one-sided, but she had figured that's all it was.] After laughing a bit at running into each other in such an odd setting we sat down and talked for most of the evening. We both admitted it was nice seeing a normal, familiar face after having been dragged to one of Mary's supposedly 'can't miss' soirees. After that, we began meeting up for lunch at work, and our friendship grew from there. We became best friends rather quickly I guess, relatively speaking. Just clicked, I suppose [Not love at first sight, but something that felt much better and more substantial than that].

As for being flatmates [Patsy isn't going to write 'living together', she can't bear it], yes it was just before the accident. I did not have problems with the landlord, not to worry. We had only received the key two days before. The size of the nurses home was being cut by half, so you figured it was the prefect opportunity to set up house. And as much as Nonnatus is nice, and sharing a room with Trixie is good, [It doesn't compare with sharing a house with you] it seemed like a lovely idea when you suggested it [Once the worry disappeared, of course]. The place wasn't much, to say the least, but it would have done very nicely. A good place to get used to having a place of one's own to look after, and the responsibilities that go with that. We'd gone there to begin cleaning, but the excitement at the prospect of how much fun living there could be got the better of each of us, and we didn't get much accomplished [Well...not what they intended to at least]. And then, of course, the next morning the accident happened.

The accident was not your fault, not at all. I talked with the ambulance driver, and Peter, who's a police officer. He's a lovely man and is married to one of the other nurses here at Nonnatus. He looked up the report on the accident for me. The truck was in the middle of the street, and trucks apparently aren't even allowed to make deliveries there. But if I hadn't lent you the bike you wouldn't have even been there anyway. So it comes down to that, really [It's Patsy's fault, it was her decision that put Delia in that spot at that time. No one will ever tell her otherwise].

[After a bit of a break to try and stop herself before getting emotional, Patsy continues writing.] How are things there? Have you met any old neighbours or friends that are familiar? Or have you seen your cousins and aunt yet? ['Do you still hate them?' Patsy is very tempted to write, but who knows if her mother would see the letter] I hope something will jog a childhood memory. And I know how much you always said you hated being stuck inside when it poured rain there, so I hope it hasn't happened too much yet. If you start to remember anything, please let me know [If you start remembering me, please let me know]. Or, if you remember or hear any funny stories about your childhood. Even if perhaps they're ones I realize I've heard before, I'm sure they're still amusing! [Delia's childhood was overall a happy one, besides the death of her older brother during the war] I wish I had more to ask you, but I can't think of anything at the moment. I look forward to another letter if, or whenever, you have any more questions. As well, I've had quite a few of your friends contact me about where and how you are. If you would like, I could pass along your address. It would be an opportunity to get more information, and perhaps a fuller picture of your life here.

Kindest regards,

Patsy

PS- I have heard that caffeine, along with alcohol, are bad for seizures. I know how much you love tea, but it's something to consider.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Format note: [ ] in letters denotes character thoughts/actions.

Delia's first few letters were short, but that changed rather quickly. Her mother had, in fact, written the first couple, but to Patsy's delight Delia began writing for herself. Delia had prefaced that initial letter of her own doing by stating, "I'm afraid my spelling is pretty atrocious. I am slowly getting better, the more I write, but I didn't want actual correspondence to be full of so many mistakes." There were definitely some spelling mistakes, to be sure, but as Patsy noticed and Delia explained, they usually only happen once. It seems once a new memory, or word, implants itself in Delia's mind, it sticks. She hasn't remembered anything yet, but with the seizures stopping almost completely, she's able to remember the new things as much as a regular person would. The discussions, and how much Delia has opened up about what she's going through, has taken Patsy by surprise. She had wondered how unique this correspondence was, even if seemed special to Patsy. She knew she was projecting their past onto the present, and Patsy was trying to keep in mind that things were completely different now. But, unexpectedly, Delia seemed to indicate that there was something unique in their letters. At least, that's the impression Patsy got from comments like, "Of course, you seem to know so much, the others don't seem to know as much as you do. And I can't explain it, but you're much easier to talk to."

\-----

"I've noticed a pattern with you." Patsy looks over at Trixie, who's watching her in the mirror's reflection.  
"Have you? And what would that be?"  
"You normally love going out, getting away from this place when we can. To see a movie, or go dancing. And yet you always stay in the first opportunity after you've received some post." Patsy bites the inside of her lip for a moment, but outwardly doesn't react.  
"Is that so." Trixie nods once; a thoughtful look on her face.  
"I know what's going on." Patsy highly doubts that.  
"Oh really? And what would that be?" She defensively exhales, sounding annoyed with the line of questioning. As if she's just humouring Trixie, when really she just wants to stop the conversation entirely. Trixie turns around, looking at Patsy sincerely.  
"You don't have to feel guilty about going out and having a good time. Delia wouldn't want her friend sitting in, feeling badly."  
"I--" Patsy starts to counter, but stops when she doesn't know what to actually say. Plus, the silence will mean Trixie thinks she's right. In a way she is, really. Trixie knows that as much as her and Barbara have told Patsy it wasn't her fault, there's still a part of her that can't let go of the fact that it was her bicycle and she told Delia to take it. "She would not want you sitting in feeling guilty or sorry for yourself, even for a second." Well, that much is true. Barbara chooses this moment to walk in happily.  
"Shall we? I don't want to risk missing even a second of seeing Elvis Presley onscreen." She looks over at Patsy. "Are you sure we can't convince you to come? Blue Hawaii's supposed to be very fun."

\-----

It's been five months since the accident, and Patsy has tried to maintain her positivity. Outwardly at least. Yes, life is still good. Miraculous even. When you are delivery babies all the time that's the outlook you have to put out there for people to see. And it's the same outlook Patsy tries to put into her letters to Delia. How else is she supposed to handle the strange situation? Corresponding with someone who is essentially a stranger...to both of them, in reality. Delia's a new person trying to form herself, figure out who she is. Or, as Delia has stated in one of her letters, it's as if she's trying to assemble a jigsaw puzzle without having a picture on the box or knowing how many pieces there are, and she only gets one new piece every week or so. Reading that made Patsy chuckle sadly. As she told Delia in the next letter, the choice of analogy was an interesting one. "Do you know you always found puzzles to be boring and tedious?" 

Patsy never used to get much mail, but now she both eagerly anticipated and dreads getting a letter. It's an odd mix of emotions. Carrying the latest letter around, sometimes for a few days, before she has enough time alone to read it and react. Because there is no way Patsy is reading Delia's letters while having to put on a brave face/facade of normalcy. Each one, for a different reason, leaves her crying more than she is comfortable with. As close as they are, there are things Trixie cannot see or know.


	5. Chapter 5

Patsy,

...I have an idea to run past you. I'm hoping you will be able to help me, actually. Some family friends are going on vacation, and they know how trapped I have been feeling here. So, they have asked if I would like to come to London to look after their flat while they are gone. It sounds very nice. Two bedrooms, a nice back garden, and they have a cat. The Roberts will be away for just a week, leaving in about a month, but a short vacation from this rain and my parents is better than no vacation at all. The problem is that, despite knowing my own capabilities, there is absolutely no way that my mother will let me stay in London for a visit on my own. I was hoping to arrange a type of compromise with her, and this is where I need your help. If you want to and are able, of course. If not, I understand. But, the Roberts do not live that far from where you have said Nonnatus is. Would you be willing to come and stay with me, if is not too much trouble? Quite frankly, I don't want my mother to act as my chaperone. I do not need attention all day, every day, but of course she still thinks I do. But being able to tell her there is a nurse staying with me would definitely help my cause.  
I would be able to visit with you and my other old friends, explore the city and see places I used to know. It would be very nice to meet in person (again, in your case I suppose). Can you think of anything fun I could do while in London? I'm open to any good suggestions...

Patsy nearly ends up hyperventilating when she reads Delia's letter. She's put the letter away 10 minutes ago, but she's still sitting on the bed staring at the blank opposite wall. Obviously she's going to say yes, but the thought of Delia being back, even if only for a short time, is very nerve-wracking. Worry, excitement, fear, anxiety, happiness; all the emotions come roaring at Patsy almost at the exact same time. Will she be able to keep everything in perspective and not torture herself? To just actually be friends when coming face to face with Delia after months?  
"You wouldn't believe how horrible Mark was. I can hardly believe it myself. I don't know if I've ever had a more atrocious two hours." Will she look different? "Did you hear anything I just said?" Patsy's not sure she can remember what it was like just being Delia's friend. "Patsy?" Patsy shakes her head a bit and she looks over just as Trixie plops down on her bed rather dramatically. When did she walk in?  
"Sorry, Trixie, what were you saying?" She frowns. "You were supposed to be out all evening." Trixie sighs and looks over again.  
"Yes, that's what I was saying, I'd...are you alright?" Patsy takes a deep breath, and tries to offer a smile. "You look a bit odd."  
"I'm fine. Sorry, just distracted."

\-----

Patsy exhales slowly as soon as she gets seated on the bus, heading away from the train station. She feels a lot more upbeat than she imagined she would. Patsy figured waving Delia off as she headed back to Pembridge would be a very hard thing to do. Of course, it's definitely not a nice feeling, to be sure, but after having a positive week, she doesn't feel as depressed and drained as she was dreading she would. Overall, spending time with Delia was surprisingly easy, given the different circumstances. And it was fun to spend time doing different tourist-type things around the city. She did stay in the bathroom a few times, to regain control of her emotions away from Delia, and she was thankful to have had lunch at Nonnatus as a distraction. Not to mention Delia seemed somehow prettier each day. Sadly, nothing had jogged Delia's memory, that she was aware of. But, Delia did legitimately seem sad to go (whether she was sad to leave or sad to go back would be up for debate), and was very adamant about hoping to be able to come back for another visit. Thank heavens for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This isn't great, even by my poor standards. And I know I didn't write any of Delia's first visit. But don't worry, it's not the important visit. She'll be back.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Format note: [ ] in letters denotes character thoughts/actions.

Patsy,

...Was I a nice person? A good one? I know it may seem like an odd question, and I will admit to you that yes, I've been feeling rather down lately. I'm a grown woman, but I have no idea if I am a good person or not. Do I have good morals, am I trustworthy, did people like to be around me? I feel rather silly asking, but I don't know what the answers to these questions are, and I can't stand not knowing. I have gotten used to the notion that I probably won't remember things and specific events. Reconciled myself to that fact. But, if I ever do, I'd like to know that if I remember things, I'm not going to recover memories that are going to make me realize I was a horrible person. There's nothing I can be sure of in my life, not even that. It would be nice to have an idea about it; if I was good, even if I can't know for sure. If you don't mind answering, that is. If so though, I want you to be completely honest. I mean it. I trust you more than anyone else to tell me the truth, for some reason. I want to know what kind of a person I really was, not just the polite answer. And of anyone, I trust you the most to give it to me…

The letter Delia gets back is probably the best one she's ever received, from anyone. 

Delia,

Let me get everything else from your letter out of the way first. The weather this past week here has been almost unbearable. I am sure it is standard for your area, but the rain has been coming down in buckets with no reprieve. And it is expected to continue for another two days. Riding around has been absolutely horrid. You are drenched after only a minute or so outside. And, to make it worse, I didn't have any deliveries at all, which would have guaranteed a few hours inside, at least. I guess I really shouldn't be complaining to you though, with how much rain you get!  
I'm happy to read your mother has been letting you handle the grocery shopping. As you said, any independence they give you is a step in the right direction. I'm sorry they are still so protective, but it's their way of showing how much they love you. They care about you so much they want to keep you from anything that could possibly hurt you again [Patsy can understand that]. But you still should be free to live your own life, and I wish they didn't seem to be standing in the way of that as much as they are. I think it's time you put your foot down and show them how capable you are. You very rarely have any seizures anymore, which is the only thing that was potentially holding you back, now that you can remember most new things. As long as you keep remembering or see your note to turn off the oven, you won't burn the house down! So they have less to worry about. Kidding aside, I would have thought your visit here and how well it went would have shown them you can handle being on your own and, at the very least, that you can do more than sit around all day being looked after.  
Now, onto the important question that requires the most attention [And the most time to try and work out what to say. Going back and forth on how truthful to really be. So she just answers Delia's question about if she was a good person. Technically, if she answers the question, she isn't lying. She may be leaving things out, but she's not making things up either]. You want to know if you were a good person. You are right that it is an odd question for you to ask. But I think it's only strange for you to ask because the thought of you being anything other than 'good' is completely foreign. To me, and to everyone that knew you, as far as I can see (unless you had some secret enemies tucked away that I don't know about). Rest assured, I am answering honestly when I write that you were, and are, a good person. I would have thought you would have known that, even just because of all the different people that are happy to stay in touch with you via letter, and how happy they were to see you two months ago. If you were a horrible person, we'd stay away! As I have said before, all the doctors and patients at The London seemed to love you, and you had tons of friends amongst the nurses at the home. And friends outside of work as well.  
And as for me, I can honestly say that I have never met anyone as kind, overall positive, amazing, dedicated, fun to be around, devoted, caring, warm, compassionate, generous, giving, supportive, sympathetic, friendly, and all around good as you are. Bar none [Patsy would love to add more ways Delia is amazing, but that would be saying too much. She's already written too much]. You genuinely cared about nearly all your patients, and tried to do right for them, which is more than can be said about some of the others at the hospital. Delia, you are truly something special, a joy to be around, and an amazing person [Both as more, but also just as a friend]. I cannot tell you in a letter how knowing you has made my life better [That sentence is completely true]. You are a fantastic person, Delia, I know that to be true, and you should too. The fact that you could doubt that, even just for a moment, makes me sad. You are wonderful, and I want you to know that and remember it. You are good, Delia, I cannot stress that enough. I don't really know what else to say or to talk about, and ending here seems appropriate, so I will.

Until your next letter, sincerely,

Patsy

Delia is sitting peeling some potatoes with her mother when the post comes with Patsy's next letter. She instantly starts reading after her mother hands it to her,  
"You got another letter." [Delia should be spending her time doing other things besides writing with this woman all the time, it's not right. She could be out with Michael perhaps. But her mother doesn't vocalize this concern. She does not want to be the recipient of Delia's angry silent treatments again] Delia reads it quickly, but stops after "caring, warm, compassionate" as her mother interrupts, "Well, she has to have said something good, judging by that smile on your face." Delia looks up quickly, feeling guilty for some reason, her unknown smile falling.  
"No, she, ah-- Patsy said it's been raining horribly there, but she shouldn't really be complaining about rain to me, considering what it is like here." As soon as she says it, Delia wonders why she felt the need to lie to her mother. She folds up the letter, so she can read the rest later when she's alone, as her mother nods.  
"London never gets the rain we do." 

After retiring to her room for the night, Delia pulls out Patsy's letter again. Re-reading from the beginning, by the time she actually finishes it Delia knows she's smiling this time. But she's also crying at how sincere Patsy sounds. How nice. She has said some fantastic things about Delia, and Delia would have thought Patsy was talking about herself. She could have been. Delia thinks she'd use those same words to describe Patsy. It's a lovely thought, to think of herself as being that good. Especially for Patsy to think of her like that. How amazing. She wishes she was back in London to tell Patsy the same, and how spending time with her was so lovely. Delia has wanted Patsy to like her, and to be friends again because Patsy has seemed so nice and fun in her letters. Plus, they have seemed to have had a lot of good times over the years, based on Patsy's stories. Delia had been very nervous she'd make a fool of herself when she visited London, but thankfully she hadn't seemed to. So now, Patsy seemingly thinking so highly of her is more than Delia could have hoped for. It fills her with a sense of…she can't quite place it. But, no matter how stagnant her life is right now, at least she's got Patsy on her side. She would hope that, if need be, she could be there for Patsy as much as Patsy has been there for her.

Looking back, it had started before. But that's when Delia really began to look at her current life more closely. And when she began noticing Patsy's place in it more and more.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Format note: [ ] in letters denotes character thoughts/actions.

Dear Connie,

…I almost wish I had had a boyfriend or suitor in London. In six years I can't imagine I didn't have a boyfriend at some point? [Delia can't picture that, but surely…] You would think if I had, I would have heard from him, and yet nothing...

Dear Delia,

…Are you feeling guilty, Delia? Worried you're accidentally hurting someone by getting close to a neighbour or some farmer out there? Of course, I'm kidding you. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Plus, at this point, it's been so long since you left London, if a man hadn't figured out how to get in touch with you, he's a lost cause anyway. You've been to dances and parties of course, and danced with some fine fellows, but that's the most I've ever seen. At this point, well, up until when you left I mean, you have always said you loved your work, and that it was your priority for now. I'd ask your other friends though, maybe they have some other juicy details. I'd suggest Patsy, since you two are such good friends. I'm sure she knows you better than anybody...

\-----

Patsy,

I laughed very hard at your last letter. That story of you having to revive that husband three times when he fainted outside the bedroom was very funny! I can only imagine what that must have been like, being busy with the mother-to-be and hearing what sounded like a sack of potatoes repeatedly falling as he kept hitting the ground. All your stories of nursing are interesting, but these funny and happy ones are clearly the best. If you can think of another one of my stories that's amusing, how about one of those this time?

It's been raining here for the past four days, practically non-stop, and water has started coming in under the front door again. My father put down some sandbags, but hopefully the rain lets up soon. My mother was upset to see her carpet was probably ruined. Until the rain stops she can't put it out to dry and see if it will be okay. And with that, I have told you everything exciting that has happened here in the past week. How sad is that? I feel as though I'm languishing here, more so when it rains like this. There is nothing to do besides going out with Michael and his friends, and I can only handle that and his expectations every so often. [Patsy lets out an angry sigh and squeezes the paper a bit tighter when reading that.] People, especially my mother and father, keep saying I need to move forward and I understand they think they are helping, but they aren't. At all. First they were pushing for me to remember, saying I have to remember, and that I would remember...with their certainty making me feel more doubtful. My internal fear of "but what if I don't" kept nagging at me, louder and louder, as the weeks then months passed. And now, they're all trying to push me in one direction again, when it doesn't feel right. [Why are they trying to lead me one way, when it feels wrong? I may be trying to figure out where I fit now, but I know that's not it. A life here, with Michael, or another one of the local men like him? There's something about them that just doesn't sit right with me. It makes me sad just imagining it]...

I don't even have anything to read at the moment, since the library is closed as well. So, you have no idea how fantastic it was to get your last letter. Each one is always so entertaining and informative. I learn more about my life from you than I seem to from anyone here. Even though I have said it before, thank you for staying in touch. It means the world to me. [Delia would love to write more, but even she doesn't know what she would say. "Your letters and the fact that you remember me, and are so nice, is making me feel very conflicted. I wish more and more that I was in London." "Even just through these letters, I feel like I'm close to you, and I shouldn't." "I wish more and more that I was back in London to get to spend time with you, and not just for a week's vacation, because you make me feel happy. Unlike most people here." "You're really doing my head in, do you know that?" None of that is quite right, and certainly none of it is appropriate. Everyone seems to think just writing to her this much is odd.] So, do you think you could tell me something work-related this time? Another one of my experiences that I shared with you, something where I had to deal with something silly like your fainting husband last week? In her last letter a few weeks ago, Connie mentioned a patient being sick all over her shoes. I imagine that had happened quite a bit. Or any more weird stories of strange calls for St. John's? You are the most reliable source of information for those things!...


	8. Chapter 8

"I have absolutely nothing that will work." Trixie's standing looking into the closet, defeated, hands on her hips. "None of this will do."  
"Don't be absurd, Trixie, your clothes are lovely." Patsy doesn't look up from her magazine. "You have got to be joking."  
"No, no, none of this will do. I've got to make Tom die from jealousy and Sam want to dance with me all night. And nothing is right." Patsy puts her Look down to focus on Trixie's predicament. Which seems silly, considering she really doesn't want to get back with Tom. Why the need to make him jealous?  
"Remember, you have some clothes in my closet. Things you said you'd never wear again but still couldn't bear to throw away for some reason." Trixie has more clothes than anyone else, and yet she still couldn't let go of a few measly shirts and skirts.  
"Desperate times call for desperate measures I suppose." Patsy watches Trixie step over and go into the other closet, her things off to the left side. After a moment of pulling a couple things out, and putting them back with a frown, "No, this simply won't do. I've got nothing to wear. I'm doomed to be a wallflower and remain a spinster the rest of my life. I may as well join Cynthia and become a nun." Patsy rolls her eyes and takes the last drag of her cigarette before putting it out.  
"A little extreme, I dare say." Trixie's eyes light up,  
"Unless you have something." Patsy raises an eyebrow.  
"Desperate times indeed." Trixie turns back around to survey the hanging clothes. As Patsy stands and heads over as well, "As much as it pains me to say it, I doubt about of my things would even fit you." Nevermind their different styles.  
"It doesn't hurt to try. If you don't mind, that is." Trixie points to a skirt, and holds it up for a closer look after Patsy hands it to her. "I love this on you, but I don't think it would work on me."  
Patsy cocks her head to the side, letting out half a snort of fake disgust. Was that a compliment or an insult? Trixie rifles through a few more things, but when she quickly pulls out another skirt and Patsy freezes for a second.  
"Oh no, that won't work either." She says as she reaches, intent on putting it back, but Trixie holds it away a bit further, eyeing it critically.  
"I don't know, maybe. I don't think I've seen you wear this before."  
"It doesn't even fit me properly, so you've no hope." Patsy responds, grabbing for it again. But again Trixie moves, holding it against her to see what it would look like. She's oblivious to the fact that Patsy's trying to get it from her.  
"I guess you're right, it wouldn't work with any of my tops." Despite that, she still goes to flatten its lines and, since she's looking down, doesn't see Patsy's eyes widen in nervousness. Before Patsy can react though, Trixie's hand hits the bulge in the pocket, and she notices the edge of one of the letters just poking out. "What have we here?"  
"Trixie, please leave it." Patsy actually gets hold of the skirt this time, but not before Trixie has quickly slid out the pile of letters. As Patsy pushes the skirt back in the closet she pulls the letters from Trixie's hand. "You still haven't exactly learned to respect my private things, have you?" Patsy comments bitterly, moving back over to her bed, putting the letters on the far edge a safe distance away. "I suggest you go check Barbara's things. Maybe she'll be able to help you." She adds cooly.  
"You've been keeping Delia's letters? Why would you do that to yourself?" Patsy's looking anywhere but at Trixie, so she doesn't see the look of concern on her face.  
"I'm not discussing this Trixie, so you might as well go ask Barbara about her clothes." Trixie's legs suddenly enter the edge of her field of vision, as she comes over to sit down across from Patsy.  
"It's been almost a year. You should let it go." Patsy looks up quickly.  
"You have--"  
"You need to stop blaming yourself." Trixie pushes on. "You said it yourself while she was here for her visit, Delia's slowly getting better, re-learning most things. And yet you still insist on making yourself feel unnecessarily guilty. Saving her letters, like some sort of paramour, isn't going to help." Patsy's breath catches in her throat. "It wasn't your fault. Stop torturing yourself." As she finishes, Trixie watches Patsy closely, who's trying to keep her expression looking neutral under the scrutiny.  
"You don't know what you're talking about, I'm not torturing myself." Actually she is, and she knows it. "So please, just stop it." There's a long moment of silence as they watch each other, Patsy trying to will Trixie to understand that she means business. But instead of that, suddenly Trixie sits up straighter, as if a rod has been inserted up her spine. Her eyes look like saucers (more than normal).  
"Oh my god. That's it, isn't it." She isn't asking a question; her tone is set and measured, yet there's still a bit of surprise evident. Patsy denies quickly,  
"Don't be absurd. I'm not torturing myself, and yo--"  
"That's not what I'm talking about, and you know that." She can see in Patsy's eyes, and her slow blinking, that she's trying to deflect Trixie's comments. Patsy feels her stomach fluttering like a butterfly breaking out of a cocoon.  
"My answer still stands...don't be absurd." The pause was too long for Patsy to seem believable. At least to Trixie.  
"All of it, it makes sense now. You...and Delia." In that moment Patsy feels like she's about to burn up from the inside out. It seems as if Trixie's eyes are boring straight through her, making it impossible for Patsy to figure out what to say. The silence seems to grow longer and bigger, filling the room until it's impossible for Patsy to say anything. In reality it's only been a few seconds, but Patsy can practically feel it crushing down on her chest.  
"I, I don't know what you--" Trixie breathes out a sigh,  
"You never said anything." She doesn't sound disgusted at least. "Even after all the horrible business with Mr...what was his name? Amos, Mr. Amos." Of course Trixie has the option of forgetting his name. For Patsy it's not something she can forget. She sighs as well, tired of the mental gymnastics. Despite her fear,  
"Of course I didn't. Don't be stupid."  
"I thought you seemed extra invested at the time. But I just figured you knew someone who was like him." Trixie reaches for her glass. "Now I understand why." Patsy just shrugs. After years of being so guarded, she's just supposed to start talking? She feels like she needs a stiff drink. She really should have something strong when her life falls apart some more.  
"Let's just pretend this whole conversation never happened, shall we?" Since alcohol isn't around, Patsy settles for reaching for another cigarette.  
"No, I won't. I wish you'd felt you could tell me yourself. I'm going to try to not take offence to that." Wait, is she really just amazing at the fact she didn't know? "After all this time rooming together and being friends…"  
"That's why I haven't, and you have to understand that. One is never too careful." This is the most Patsy's ever said on the subject to any 'outsider' before. Trixie flaps her hand dismissively.  
"I could care less about that, in terms of the rooming situation. You needn't worry about telling me I needn't worry, either. I'm more sophisticated than that. But Patsy...I could have helped you if I had known. I'm sure 'diversionary cover' could be just as helpful in this case."  
"This whole topic is a mute point now, so we might as well move on. Get back to discussing your wardrobe dilemma." Trixie watches as Patsy looks down at her unlit cigarette, twirling the matchbox around. She stands after a moment, but just moves to sit right beside Patsy.  
"No. First things first though." With that she offers Patsy a sad smile and then pulls her into a hug. "I am sorry you've gone through all this on your own. That must make it a million times worse." Patsy's touched and extremely surprised by Trixie's compassion. She never would have expected it, and it's making it hard not to cry. Which Patsy does not want to do. "Do you have someone you've felt you could talk to?" There's a long moment of silence, as Patsy bites her lip to try and keep her chin from quivering.  
"There used to be."  
"Delia." Trixie understands, and she gets a silent nod in return. She lets go and allows Patsy to sit up properly again, handing her a tissue. Trixie knows Patsy is appalled that she's showing this much emotion. Even if the situation allows for it. "I'm sorry you'd had to deal with something so horrible, and doing it by yourself. You don't have to any longer, though."  
"As I said, there's really no point now, so…"  
"Wait, has Delia remembered you already? And you felt you couldn't say anything? Is that why you're keeping the letters then?" Trixie looks at Patsy hopefully, with a sense of positivity. Patsy's sad, uncomfortable look remains though, so Trixie's face quickly falls again. "I suppose not."  
"No, she hasn't." Patsy exhales. With a frown, Trixie pats her knee.  
"Are there any signs she will? Because if not, you know what it is I'm going to say."  
"Move on, don't keep feeling guilty and get stuck in the past?" Patsy sort of mocks.  
"Exactly." Trixie ignores the tone.  
"I don't know, to be honest. Once or twice when she was here, maybe something in a letter, but…" She sighs. "Not enough for me to be holding on like this. Rationally, I know that." She looks up to Trixie, tilting her head. "So you don't have to bother saying it."  
"Well, alright." They're both silent for a few moments, with Patsy trying to calm her emotions again and Trixie trying to figure out what to say. "What kind of signs?"  
"Well, there was-- what am I saying?" Patsy stops herself. "Trixie, let's just forget this. You don't really want to hear it, and I don't want to talk--"  
"I want to have an idea of what's been going on with you." Trixie interrupts with some force. "I feel like I don't know you anymore." Trixie realizes how that potentially sounds. "I mean, because you've been keeping a big part of you a secret, not because of what the secret actually is." Fine thing, Patsy thinks. She's playing the guilt card. "I'm shocked, but I'm your friend. I really don't mind it, at least I don't think so, at the moment. Maybe once the shock wears off." Trixie admits, and Patsy appreciates the honesty. "I want to know what's been going on with you." They look at each other for a few seconds before Patsy looks away back to her lap, then across the room.  
"This is very hard for me." She admits, causing Trixie to look at her with a motherly air before patting her hand.  
"I don't doubt it. I appreciate you trying though." After keeping everything in for so, so long, Trixie's sure, once she starts letting some of it out, Patsy will perhaps feel better.  
"While...while she was here, she said that she couldn't figure out why she felt she could trust me so much." Patsy nods to herself ever so slightly, biting her lip a bit. "And one night, after she'd been...a bit angry and upset at the situation, her memory loss, she apologized for being short and added I was very patient and that my name must have been a gift from God. Which doesn't seem like anything, I know." Patsy adds quickly, looking over at Trixie for a second. "It's completely innocent. But Delia used to say that a lot."  
"You? Patient? I'll have to take your word for it." Trixie jokes, keeping the mood a bit lighter.  
"I know they sound benign, but the way they were said, and how she looked when she said it…" There had seemingly been a glimpse of caring, a shadow of how she used to look at Patsy.   
"And you said some of her letters…" Patsy isn't about to delve into the actual content of her letters, since Delia's talked about private things and her struggles through this. Patsy won't break that trust Delia's placed in her to mention specifics, but she can broadly explain the feelings she's had reading them.  
"Just overall, she says she can't figure out why she had taken, for her, such an instant liking to me, but she's happy she has. Having such a good friend and pen pal. And that the person her parents are telling her about doesn't feel like the... 'complete her' as she put to. The life she had in London, from recollections from me and others, seems to be the most real." Patsy stops and wipes her eyes with a couple fingers, embarrassed beyond belief at herself. Trixie pats her arm for a moment again.  
"That must be very hard to hear."  
"Yes...it is."  
"Why don't you just tell her the truth? Delia wants answers about her life, all the things she's still uncertain about. So why not tell her? You should have told her ages ago, really."  
Patsy turns to look at Trixie again, tilting her head down in surprise.  
"Don't be ridiculous."  
"Who's being ridiculous? Who knows how knowing that might make more things fall into place. You're keeping a part of her life from her."  
"Or it could confuse her even more. I'm not risking that by being selfish. She might feel completely different now." Despite Delia saying a few times how she can't stand Michael's attempts at getting closer, and that she's not interested in any of the locals. This could be Delia's chance to have the normal life she's wanted, and Patsy won't stand in the way of that. Trixie thinks hard for a long few seconds.  
"I would still say tell her. Especially if it was going on a long time?"  
"About three years." Patsy takes a drag off her cigarette.  
"My goodness!" Trixie's surprised Patsy's had this going on for the whole time they've known each other. Considering Delia wasn't around Nonnatus at all until six months or so before the accident. "Any other couple and you would have been married with at least one child by now!"  
"You sound like she did." Trixie grows serious again.  
"Well, I say you should tell her. But if you don't, then you really need to try and move on. This stagnation, holding onto the past this hard, is not good for you. Remember the good times, yes, but try to make new ones." Patsy starts to roll her eyes. "Don't give me that look. That's what you told me to do with Tom, don't act like you didn't."  
"You've only moved on in the sense that you mainly go out with other men to try and make him jealous. Even though you really don't want him back. I wouldn't say you've taken the message to heart either."  
"At least it's something." Trixie looks unsure. "I wouldn't even know how to go about asking or finding someone, but if I do, I'll s--"  
"Don't you dare, Trixie." Patsy stops her, knowing that's directed at her. "I mean it. You worry about your own life and your fashion dilemmas." She motions over to the closet. "This is still the more pressing matter at hand." While Trixie does want to press for more, she can see Patsy again wants to drop the subject. Figuring she might get more information later if she moves on now,  
"Well alright, if you insist. But only if you understand that you can tell me anything or talk to me about anything from now on. I mean it." Trixie sternly stresses. Patsy offers a half smile.  
"Alright, and thank you. I mean that too." She looks at Trixie sincerely. "Thank you." With that Trixie pats her knee again and stands up.  
"Well then, let's go see if Barbara can help provide something decent." She offers Patsy her hands and pulls her up. "You're coming too, I want your opinion." She gets an amused glint in her eyes. "Especially since now I know you have an eye for this sort of thing." Patsy opens her mouth in a gasp of sorts.  
"Oh, stop it." She smiles though, still completely surprised at the turn this evening has taken.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Format note: [ ] in letters denotes character thoughts/actions.

Patsy,  
...This is going to sound like an odd question, and I don't know if you would even know the answer, but did I have a favourite food? I ask because while my mother's food is good, she does tend to cook for my father, and he has limited tastes. I've been training my brain more by cooking with her, trying to remember recipes and that sort of thing, so I'm curious, really…

 

Patsy,  
...I apparently never mentioned you by name in my letters home to my parents, which seems silly, considering we were very good friends. Why wouldn't I have mentioned you?...  
[Delia hopes Patsy's next letter will maybe provide some sort of answer. Shed some light on why she kept Patsy and their friendship a secret. She had mentioned some other friends, but why were they different? It seems very odd indeed. And why does she keep feeling the need to hide Patsy's letters now? Why does she feel guilty, and as if she can't share this with other people? This friendship is the best thing in her life right now, and any time she mentions Patsy's name she feels as if she has to do so sparingly, that she can't really say what she's thinking.]

\-----

Patsy,  
...I was hoping to come to London again. I miss everything, and it would be wonderful to see you again. The Roberts just wrote us and said they are planning a vacation, and asked if I would be interested in staying in their flat again. So of course I jumped at the chance. My mother was not entirely happy about that, as you can imagine. But, they did ask me, rather than her, so she can't really say too much. They will be gone to visit a son in Newfoundland this time, and I'll be there the third week of next month. I hope we can see each other. My mother has said she insists you stay with me again, if she'd be okay with me going at all, and of course I would love that idea. But if that's not possible, or you don't want to, she certainly wouldn't need to find out. I am perfectly comfortable lying to her in this case, if need be. [Patsy can practically see the mischievous glint Delia clearly had in her eyes while writing that.] I hope you will be able to stay at the house though, at least some of the time? I've already begun thinking of some of the things I would like to do and see when I'm back, so you start thinking of fun things to do as well...

\-----

"Are you going to say anything?"  
"Trixie, stop."  
"Well, you haven't answered me any of the other times I've asked."  
"And you still haven't taken the hint to stop asking."  
"You should say something, Patsy. She will be here in less than a week, so you have to think about how to go about it."  
"…"  
"It seems like if you want history to repeat itself you're going to have to give it a bit of a nudge."  
"Trixie...don't you have somewhere else to be? Anywhere?"  
 "No."

\-----

It's while they are beginning to eat that the topic comes up. Patsy's surprised it took someone half an hour to bring it up, to be honest. Sitting around the table, forks digging into the tasty looking meal, after the typical "What are you going to be doing while you're here?" Sister Winifred asks Delia about how things are going for her, and if her health is okay.  
"I still forget some things, just little ones, though. I remember more than I forget. Typically, once something goes in and sticks, it's there for good, now."  
"Like a fly trap." Sister Monica Joan adds brightly, causing them all to turn and look at her with a variety of expressions. After a moment, while Patsy and Barbara stifle their laughter, Delia gives a bit of a smile,  
"I guess so, yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter's extremely subpar, sorry. I realized I need something as a filler, and I dashed this out. Another one's coming that's a bit better! )


	10. Chapter 10

"I like being here. Back west is familiar now, but I still feel more attached to London. I don't want to go back, but that makes me sound like a horrible daughter, doesn't it?" Delia comments out of the blue as they are washing dishes. They'd been out walking and had done some shopping, arriving back later than planned. Going to see a film would have to wait until tomorrow. Patsy hands Delia another plate to dry and put away.  
"I don't know." Patsy ignores the conflicting emotions within her. "You moved here to get more opportunities and to do something different. I imagine your mind is thinking the same way again now." Delia thinks silently for a short while as they continue with the dishes. Then she announces,  
"Getting my medication here is easier than back home, a lot easier. I have more friends here when I visit, and there's you. The big problem is that I need a job to live here, and I need to live here already to try and find a job." Delia talking like this makes it feel like Patsy's being twisted in a bunch of different directions. She's been doing it more lately, complimenting Patsy and saying how great it is that they're friends. And talking about coming back permanently, making Patsy think about the possibility of her being around more, is making her feel unsure of what that could mean.  
"Remember, when you stopped by the hospital, Mr. Foley said he wishes you were back on staff in some capacity. You said he seemed sincere. You know hospitals, they always have so much work to be done. I'm sure you could go back there in some manner. Or perhaps something less potentially stressful at first, like work in a shop? Who knows, maybe Violet needs an extra shop girl."  
"A shop girl, at my age?" Delia steps back over with an amused smile after putting some glasses away.  
"There's nothing wrong with that when you're getting back into earning a living."  
"And what about a place to live then? Ignoring the fact that I'd still need to find a roommate again, since I doubt you'd want to try sharing with an amnesiac..." Patsy bristles at the thought of Delia living with anyone else. "I still couldn't afford to live anywhere while I save up. And I couldn't take any more from my parents. They've done so much for me already." Considering how protective they are (coddling almost, as Delia sometimes puts it), it's clearly just her concerned about it. They want her to stay in the house all the time where her mother can watch her and see she's okay. It stresses Delia out more than anything else.  
"Well, I will be the one to decide if I want to room with someone with slight memory issues, thank you very much. And secondly, I'm sure in the interim something could be worked out, with the Sisters, if these family friends wouldn't let you stay in their guest room for a few weeks. I can tell you that it's very comfortable. But there is always space at Nonnatus. Becoming a nun just isn't as popular as it used to be, I think." Delia looks over at her, a slight smile tugging at the left corner of her mouth.  
"You think so? And you'd want to share a flat again? At some point, I mean." Patsy thinks for a moment, figuring out what to say.  
"Depending on the situation, yes." Very much so. "And if I was to put a good word in with Sister Julienne I imagine they'd be very helpful, if by chance you needed it." Delia puts down the dishcloth and leans on the counter, facing Patsy.  
"You're really something special, do you know that?" Delia glances up, but then the slight smile on Patsy's face seems to draw her in. They look at each other for a long moment, with the close proximity getting to Patsy despite her best efforts. It's been such a long time since Delia's looked at her like that, for any amount of time, that Patsy's almost forgotten what it was like. Delia's eyes flick down for a fraction of a second and Patsy gets the distinct impression Delia's confused but wants to kiss her. She's even tilting her head up a bit, before she sucks in a deep breath and steps back a half step, flustered. "I've, ah...I wonder if tomorrow--"  
"Delia, wait." Patsy interrupts her attempt to return the situation to normal.  
"I'm sorry, I don't..." Patsy stops her by putting up her hand. Trixie's been pushing so much lately, Patsy hasn't been able to escape the idea that telling Delia is an option. Either to fix things or to be able to start to move on. And this feels like an opportunity Patsy can't ignore. She won't get a better chance, or a more obvious one.  
"There's something I have to tell you. I don't really know how to, but I've put this off long enough." Delia's back to looking confused.  
"What is it?" She's looking at Patsy with such concern, as if Patsy's the one who has had medical concerns. And like she thinks she did something wrong.  
"I should have said something ages ago..." or so Trixie says. "but I was scared to. You see...before your accident, for a long time before..." Patsy trails off, unable to continue despite Delia's expectant look. "Oh, for goodness sake..." Patsy screws up all the courage she can muster and takes the half step back that Delia had added between them. With a deep breath she leans in and kisses Delia. Rather quickly, but it's a kiss nonetheless.


	11. Chapter 11

"I should have said something ages ago..." or so Trixie says. "but I was scared to. You see...before your accident, for a long time before..." Patsy trails off, unable to continue despite Delia's expectant look. "Oh, for goodness sakes..." Patsy screws up all the courage she can muster and takes the half step back that Delia had added between them. With a deep breath she leans in and kisses Delia, rather quickly, but it's a kiss nonetheless. She breaks it and pulls back, opening her eyes a split second before Delia does. Patsy looks at her with an apologetic sad smile, eyebrows raised a bit as she dreads what's going to happen next. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say, but I didn't want you to think you had done something wrong." Delia sucks her bottom lip, furrowing her eyebrows.  
"So you…" She shakes her head slightly, shifting gears. "We...we've done that before?"  
"Yes." Patsy answers nervously, unsure how to read Delia's confused expression.  
"So this isn't anything new?" Delia's now putting together an idea of what Patsy was trying to say.  
"Not for me, at least. I guess it is for you, now, depending on what you've gotten up to in Pembridge of course." Patsy's trying not to smile at the fact that Delia's not running away. Or even stepping back. There's a long moment of silence as Patsy watches Delia trying to process. When Delia looks back up from the ground,  
"I guess perhaps that's why it doesn't feel wrong." To them, at least. "Unlike almost everything else the past few months." Delia smiles a tiny bit, and Patsy's eyes light up. Delia's the one to lean into the kiss this time. It's a tad longer, and Delia almost brings her hand up to Patsy's shoulder (she stops herself, remembering it's damp from the dishes). When she pulls back, "You've never said anything about this."  
"You've had so much to deal with. I didn't want to complicate things for you, make everything more difficult." Dealing with memory loss and being a social outcast doesn't sound like a pleasant thing. "Plus, I didn't know if you would feel the same way now."  
"I care about you, and I have for a while. Knowing I did before could have helped me deal with a lot of conflicting things in my head." She holds up a finger, pointing, with a raised voice. "Like when I told you how it was odd that in all my time here I'd seemingly never had a boyfriend! I clearly hadn't brought Michael with me, or even really cared about him as a young girl… this would have helped me understand why. And why I've felt so odd!" She's raised her voice more, but seemingly more in an annoyed way than a truly angry one. Patsy's relief is evident as she lets out a breath.  
"I'm sorry." They both turn back to the task of cleaning the last few dishes, when they don't know quite what to say. "I just thought with everything being different and new to you, adding this would only make things worse." Patsy adds after a few moments, quieter.  
"Maybe right away, yes. But almost a year! That's a long time to lie to someone, Patsy."  
"I wasn't reall-- okay, yes I was." Patsy begins to counter but decides to agree. "I'm sorry. Truly. I see now that perhaps it was wrong. It was just so hard trying to figure out the right thing to do, to deal with it all." Patsy allows, hoping she doesn't sound too pitiful and stupid. "It hurt too much to deal with it, so I guess I did it partially just to try and ignore it." Delia looks at her with compassion again as she sets the dish down and hangs up the towel.  
"Come on. Let's sit down properly." She hesitates for a second before taking Patsy's hand and pulling her out into the sitting room, settling down facing each other on the settee. "Clearly this is serious, since we had just begun to share a flat. How long has this been going on?" Patsy shouldn't be buoyed by Delia's use of "is" rather than "it was," but she is.  
"Quite a while." Delia frowns and gives her a perturbed look.  
"No more lying or being evasive! Just be honest from now on, please." Now she's more angry.  
"I don't want to say too much, and potentially put pressure on you to jump back into something you're not ready for. I don't want you to feel pressure to be right back where things ended. I'm not expecting that, and I don't want you to feel you have to."  
"Let me be the judge of how I feel about things, just tell me the truth. No more lying or hiding things. I don't need you to protect me. That's what my parents think they are doing." She frowns. "And you know how much I hate that. I may be forgetful at times, but I'm still an adult who doesn't have to be handled."  
"I'm sorry, yes I know I'm not treating you as I should…I just…" There's no way she can express what she's trying to say and how she feels without breaking down. So, she takes a breath and just moves on. "It was three years."  
"Three years?!" Delia's shocked. She was obviously in love before, and had no idea. Three years is a long time, and Patsy didn't say anything over the past year? "And you didn't think I deserved to know about something this big?" Patsy just sits there in silence, accepting the scolding.  
"You are right, I'm sorry. I see now I was clearly wrong, even though I thought I was doing what was best." She still believes she was right at least partially, to keep the truth from Delia…but Patsy's sure as heck not going to say that now. "Please don't get yourself worked up too much." No need to risk getting too upset and risking a seizure, especially since she's already probably as tired as Patsy is. "I promise, I'll tell you anything about it you want to know, if you'll try not to get too upset. And like I said, if you won't let it pressure you to jump back in. If you…" It hurts to even think it, but, "if you want a normal life this time around I'm not going to be the one to prevent you from having that."  
"So you've been turning yourself into a martyr? I don't want that."  
"And I don't want you to be with me because you feel obligated to because you were before." Patsy stresses, shaking her head a bit. "You used to get so frustrated and upset at how unfair the world is, and I wasn't going to force you into living like this again. With this new life you've got, you can live it however you want. Be with whomever you want."  
"I kept wanting to be back here, and now I have an idea why." Delia's looking steely at Patsy, but there's a slight softness to her voice. She shifts course a tad, curious, "So, what is it that you want?"  
"It doesn't matter what I want, Delia. What--"  
"Of course it does. I'm asking because I want to know. Have you always been this closed off and 'stiff upper lip' about things? Because right now it's annoying." Patsy smirks at how little Delia's changed in some ways. Her lack of patience for Patsy's willingness to be evasive being one of them.  
"Delia, I love you. And I don't think there is any way that could ever change." Delia's smile and blush makes Patsy feel very happy. "But it really doesn't matter what I want, because what I want is for you to do what's right for you. I don't want to push or pull you in any direction. You need to make your life in the way you want, rather than doing it based on what I, or anyone else, might want or how they say it should be. I want you to do what's best for you. I thought I was doing that by staying away and keeping our past from you. I'm sorry." Her little speech seems to have come out better than she expected, since Delia doesn't look as angry anymore. After a few moments, quieter,  
"I still don't like that you seem to be playing the martyr. But I admit it's nice to hear someone seems to care about what I want, rather than what they think is best." She still believes Patsy was wrong in not telling her, and that Patsy's partially just saying this to stop her from being mad, but she will let it go for now. Patsy tries to choose her words carefully,  
"That's what I thought I was doing. I'm sorry that I did the wrong thing in keeping this from you, but I honestly thought I was giving you the freedom to do what you wanted." She makes sure they are sharing direct eye contact. "I am truly sorry." Delia doesn't say anything, but she nods with a slight 'I get it' smile. The silence between them grows longer for a while, before Patsy yawns and decides to end this for now. "I think we should both go to bed. I know I'm tired, and I have a full day of visits tomorrow that are going to wear me out."  
"Tough rounds, or just tough women at the clinic?"  
"Rounds, including a stop at Mrs. Cuthbert's, who doesn't seem to be able to follow the simplest of instructions." Delia nods distractedly, as she turns a thought over in her mind. Figuring out the right wording,  
"Do you think you'll be finished in time for a proper dinner? And we could try again for the movie." She looks a bit unsure and nervous, but hopeful. Patsy hides her grin slightly, creating a look as if she was a cat that swallowed a canary (for a moment). Delia was always the one to take charge, with Patsy usually being the one to go along with things. That pattern seems to still be holding now.  
"Are you asking me out on a date, Delia?" She teases, eliciting a bit more of a blush on Delia's cheeks. "I can't make any promises of course, but I think so. To the film at least, yes. I might have to grab something for sustenance quickly if I'm running behind. Sounds like an excellent idea." Delia pats her own knees with a smile and a nod before standing up.  
"Perfect." Taking a breath, "Well, you're right, it is time for bed. I don't want to tire myself out too much." She offers a small but telling smile. "I'm sure I won't be able to fall asleep for quite a while anyway." Patsy returns the same small smile, biting the inside of her lip a bit. But she doesn't trust herself to say anything of substance.  
"So, since I will be out the door early, don't forget that the n--"  
"Yes, yes, the number for Nonnatus is on the fridge if I need anything. And I will have it on me as well when I meet up with Connie." She certainly has that rebuttal memorized.  
"I'm just checking." Delia narrows her eyes a bit.  
"Aren't you turning in as well?"  
"In a bit." Patsy stands. "I'll finish up that last pot and am going to stay down here a short while longer."  
"Oh, I forgot, let's--" Delia looks through to the kitchen.  
"No, no, it's fine, really." That slip up has nothing to do with her still occassionally hazy memory, and everything to do with the topic of conversation. "You have first crack at the facilities, and I'll probably be up not long after." They both realize at the same time that it's time for goodnights and they're standing a foot away from each other, just like before.  
"Okay, if you insist." There's silence for another moment. "Since I won't see you until later, good luck at work tomorrow. I hope there aren't any surprises."  
"Thank you. And have fun at lunch with Connie, catching up." More silence after Delia nods.  
"Alright."  
"Okay then, well…" Patsy figures she might as well end this stalemate of sorts. "goodnight." Delia stutter steps for a moment before figuring 'why not' and she moves in for their usual, as of late, hug before separating for the night. It feels tighter and is held longer this time, on both their accounts. When the two women let go, but stay within a close arms reach, Patsy can't take it anymore, so she takes a big step back with a small telling smile. She really needs Delia to go upstairs and out of the general vicinity. "Ah...goodnight Delia." She receives a smile and a nod.  
"Goodnight Patsy." With that Delia turns away and heads out and up the stairs. Patsy remains rooted in place, listening until she hears the washroom door shut and she can be sure Delia's upstairs for good. Then she lets out a shaky breath she's been keeping in and sinks back down to the love seat, giving in to all the emotions she's been forcing down over the past half hour. It all starts coming out as she sits there with her head in her hands. The worry, relief, sadness, happiness, all of it. The tension Patsy didn't realize she was holding in her shoulders seems to slowly lessen a bit. Who knows how things will go, but it is a definite start, which is more than she's had before. After about 10, 15 minutes Patsy's calmed down enough to wipe her eyes a bit and stand up finally, letting out a sigh before heading back into the kitchen and the now very cold water in the sink.


	12. Chapter 12

Patsy had got in quite later than expected, with barely enough time to change into the outfit she had brought with her. They had time for a quick drink in the lobby before the movie began, and they stopped for another before grabbing some take away fish and chip orders on their way back. So, needless to say, with two drinks and no food, both women barrelled back into the house slightly tipsy, and very hungry. Patsy would argue that she's merely just 'relaxed' from the drinks though. They decided to eat in the sitting room so they could listen to the radio, but neither one of them actually took the initiative to turn it on. Rather, they end up talking about the film and each of their days. The conversation has been easy until Delia puts her empty box on the table and turns back to Patsy.  
"Listen, I could hear you last night." Patsy frowns.  
"What do you mean?" Delia takes her hand, and it feels amazing.  
"After I went up. The walls and floor aren't that thick Patsy, I…" She trails off for a moment, "I almost came back down. I'm sorry you were upset." Patsy puts her own hand on top of Delia's with a smile and a head shake.  
"I wasn't upset. Well...not completely." She explains. "Relieved and happy and hesitant, mostly. A bit of sadness, but not as much anymore, I assure you."  
"I don't like to think I've made you upset." Patsy gives her hand a squeeze.  
"You haven't. I don't think you could if you tried." Well, that's not really true, but that's beside the point. Delia considers Patsy for a long moment before she closes the distance between them, and kisses her with more confidence than the night before. And more force besides. Patsy revels in it, enjoying the moment for a few seconds.  
"That's a very nice thing to say." Delia admits when they pull back enough to look at one another again. "I'm sure it's not entirely true though." Patsy tilts her head, wincing ever so slightly.  
"I guess we have driven each other mad from time to time, I have to admit."  
"That sounds more believable." Delia sits back against the love seat, but shifting a bit closer to Patsy. "Tell me a story then, one time we fought." Patsy sits back as well.  
"You really want to hear something as silly as that?"  
"I wouldn't ask if I didn't."  
"Well, I…" Patsy pauses as Delia takes her hand again. Always the forward one. Even now. "Would you like to hear about when I was wrong, or you were?"  
"You choose." Patsy thinks, trying to figure out something fairly innocuous.  
"I recall times when your frustration at my lack of emotion have come to a head. And I've been absolutely steaming at your stubbornness before. But both of those mainly resulted in silent treatments, that's all."  
"Those sound like rather innocent arguments. Surely there have been worse things."  
"Well, yes. But we haven't had many chances for over-the-top angry conversations." Patsy sighs. "Those require more privacy." Delia understands, nodding.  
"Shall we have one now? While we have the space for two more days?" Patsy smiles and chuckles.  
"No, thank you."  
"Shall we settle for just sitting and listening to the radio on then?"  
"Sounds like an excellent way to end the day." Patsy agrees as she gets up to turn on the radio. As it begins to warm up she sits back down, taking Delia's hand again. Delia smiles at the warmth and how...familiar it feels. Not that she remembers, but it feels like she should, because it feels as if this could make everything fit together. As for Patsy, she's getting used to this again, and she's enjoying it. "You said we really met at a party, and were surprised. Now I imagine it was one for…" She hesitates for a second, squinting as she thinks of how to say it. "...like-minded women?" A smile tugs at the corner of Patsy's mouth at Delia's choice of words.  
"Like-minded, open-minded, intellectually inclined, yes. Mary's attempts to re-create old Paris salons, apparently. All I know is that they were always quite stuffy and boring."  
"I would think so, people sitting around trying to sound smart and impress a room." Patsy tilts her head a bit, wondering if that was a bit of a memory, or just an assumption? Probably just a logical conclusion.  
"Yes. I'd been to three such get togethers before that important one, and each was almost intolerable." Delia smiles wider,  
"That 'important' one?" she questions. Patsy doesn't respond to that, but does smirk a bit as she continues.  
"I was always happy to sneak away after a couple of hours." Delia looks down at their hands.  
"And what did we talk about? What happened when we both recognized each other?" Patsy doesn't have to think very hard to recall the details. That evening is one of the ones from their relationship that's easy to remember. Well...for her.  
"I'd been there for about 15 minutes when the hostess made her way over to say hello. Being a busy bee, fluttering everywhere. Mary then proceeded to pull me up and force me into the other room of people, saying, 'Patsy dear, you simply must meet the new girl here. She's a nurse as well! That's all I got out of the girl before being swept away, but you must swap all your no doubt horrible stories, and then share the worst with the whole group. You absolutely must!' " Patsy imitates rather well, if she says so herself. "She led me to where you were sitting, and I think our eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when we recognized each other."  
"I can imagine." Patsy thinks it wouldn't have been quite as much of a surprise as having the woman you've been developing feelings for kiss you, while doing the dishes, but still...  
"Yes. Once my face returned to normal I offered a bit of a nod and a smile; said hello. And when I called you by your name, Mary said, 'Oh that's fantastic, you already know each other,' grabbed the person you had been talking with, and practically galloped away." She always did resemble a horse. "You smiled back and said 'Fancy meeting you here' as I sat down. I was shocked to see you, but since I had already been thinking how lovely you seemed, it was a nice shock." Delia nudges Patsy's foot with her own.  
"I'm sure I felt the same way."  
"You've said so many times, if past you is to be believed." Patsy teases.  
"I can definitely see what past me would have seen in you, I'm sure." Patsy blushes a bit, and she feels giddy inside. The alcohol not playing much of a role in that, however.  
"I know I haven't finished the story, but I would very much like to kiss you right now." Patsy admits, loving that she can once again say it without much fear. Delia slides over a bit closer in lieu of a verbal answer, and Patsy grins again before stealing a kiss. It's followed by quite a few more and they both eventually stop, out of breath, disentangling their arms from around each other. "I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me." Patsy offers, even though she's actually disappointed she needed to breathe (she knows the proper thing was to stop, though). Delia bites her lower lip as she slows her breathing.  
"Don't apologize." She admits, to Patsy as well as herself, with a slight chuckle. She wants more, but knows that's inappropriate, given how new this is. "No need, really." The look she gives Patsy is one that says Delia's definitely not sorry. She was kissing back just as much as Patsy was. And she felt like it was completely right. Which is surprising to her...that something so unknown and that was non-existent a week ago could feel like it's right. She didn't know it was missing, but she can't understand how she didn't know. Sitting here with Patsy like this feels fantastic. Better than she could have hoped during those rare times she let her mind wander freely. "That's not something to be sorry for, but keep going. Tell me more about the party."


	13. Chapter 13

Delia shifts against Patsy's side, continuing, "Tell me more about the party." Their positions remind Patsy of quite a few nights and evenings at the nurses home, sitting on hers or Delia's bed talking. If she was alone, Patsy would be a lot more emotional than she is now.  
"Well…" She takes Delia's hand again. "I sat down beside you, and you said that you never would have expected to run into someone you knew, let alone me. I responded the same about you, especially since earlier that day you had said you were going to an aunt's house for dinner." Delia chuckles.  
"Sounds like a silly lie, especially considering I don't have an aunt in London."  
"We basically talked about our afternoons at the hospital, finding our usual rhythm again after the surprise, I think. Then we said again how surprised we were to find ourselves sitting there face to face. 'It's a nice surprise, to be sure,' you said, always being the more forward and free speaking one." Delia leans her head against Patsy's shoulder, making Patsy stop for a second to smile and swallow forcibly. "Which I loved, but it threw me for a second. It was not what I expected; you always had the male patients eating out of your hand." She tilts her head a bit, with a half frown. "And the doctors seemed to take a shining to you as well." Delia doesn't believe it.  
"Really? I doubt that." She doesn't think she'd warrant that much attention.  
"Don't sell yourself short!" How dare Delia think people wouldn't like her or want her attention. "It always seemed to be the case to me. You'd brush off my comments then as well, but it's true. And remember, I said the same in a letter a while back?" Delia looks confused for a moment, but then nods slowly.  
"Yes...when I'd been thinking how it seemed odd that I was wanting to come back and visit you so badly." Oh wow. That makes Patsy smile a bit again as Delis continues recalling, pulling the memory of writing the letter back into focus. "I wanted to find out if I'd been with someone at all, even if no one else had said so. Was there really no man in my life? You said no, even though male patients and the doctors often seemed taken by me. But no, I wasn't seeing a man. That's when I figured, well, perhaps I'd had a crush on you before, that was why I had one now. It seemed odd that in four years of being in London I hadn't had time to find a man. Most people would have probably been engaged or married in four years, and I certainly had no signs of that. No ring, no man trying to track me down or writing to me. And I could hardly care less about Michael, despite what he or my parents seem to want." Patsy's silently trying to figure out if now's the time to say anything or not. Delia clearly senses Patsy's tensing up a bit, because she asks, "What's the matter?"  
"Well…" Patsy starts drawing it out. "you do have a ring. You weren't wearing it during the accident, but--" Delia sits up quickly.  
"You don't mean from a man, do you? I would hope that surely I wasn't that horrible a person, leading someone on!" She questions comically. Then her face settles back into a pleasant but surprised expression. Very sweet, actually. "You got me a ring?" Patsy doesn't want to go into the details of it and how that night went. Not yet, at least.  
"Well, yes. A few weeks before the accident, actually." She stops there, and Delia takes advantage of the silence to give Patsy a peck on the cheek.  
"How sweet. And clearly…" She doesn't know quite what to say; she'll need to process all of this. Delia decides on quietly stating, "clearly we were very much in love." Patsy, in return, doesn't quite know how to properly respond to that. She smiles and tilts her head.  
"I would say so." She's being self-effacing, and Delia can tell Patsy's just trying to not stress her out very much. They lean against each other again before Delia asks,  
"When did you-- no, nevermind, that would be jumping ahead." She wants to hear everything, to get an idea of what they were like before. Were they as happy then as she thinks they could be now? Because this seems like it could be the start (or, for Patsy, continuation) of something great and unexpected. But, hearing about things in order seems to help her retain the memories. 

Laying in bed that night, as with the night before, Delia has a hard time falling asleep. Not trying to make sense of everything exactly, but getting used to it all. She's been doing this kind of thing, getting used to new information, in one form or another, practically each night since she woke up in the hospital. With all the different emotions her stream of consciousness has elicited over those nights (sadness, confusion, anger, relief…), she feels relief and happiness now, and a sense of confidence that is new to her. She's been so unsure about everything, especially her feelings for Patsy these past few months, and she feels vindicated. She was right. She wasn't wrong in having those feelings (well, ignoring what other people say, of course) and she had been right in thinking that perhaps she had felt this way before as well. She hadn't dared hope Patsy felt the same way at all, that was a miraculous surprise. She had no one to talk to about how confused and alone she had felt, and now there was Patsy. She could look at Patsy and say "I'm like you, and you're like me." Not only that, but her desire to be with Patsy was reciprocated. Even though her feelings for Patsy were new and developing, Patsy loved her. She'd said it herself. She loved her, and loves her. They had loved each other and were just moving in together. She'd had a ring! That's as real as you can get. How amazing. Delia didn't have to be afraid of those feelings anymore. No more cycle of 'I can't really feel this way, it doesn't mean what I'm worried it does, I'm just confusing friendship with something else. I'm sure I had plenty of boyfriends before and have just forgotten what the real thing feels like. What do I do about this?' She can be done with all of that, finally, after so many months of it.


	14. Chapter 14

Patsy had called the house from Nonnatus as her shift ended, to see if Delia would like some takeaway food for dinner. But she said had it covered, even after Patsy had tried to argue that, on her last day here, it might be nice if they didn't have to cook. Plus, Patsy was exhausted. She would be ecstatic when they got to see the back side of Mrs. Larson and Mrs. Bryant, and she had to see both difficult women to end her rounds. So as much as she felt bad when Delia said, "I've already started, and things are progressing nicely. It should be ready when you get back." she was also relieved. She needed to get off her feet, and didn't want to think about standing in front of the stove. She feels bad again though when, after knocking and Delia opens the door, a wall of fantastic aromas hits her before she can even take a step inside.  
"Oh my goodness." She involuntarily exhales. Delia chuckles and makes room for her to step in. "Delia, it smells fantastic in here. This is ridiculous." Delia shuts the door as Patsy turns, unbuttoning her rain jacket. "You have clearly done too much."  
"Don't start…" With the door shut they kiss hello. "you worked all day, and anyway, I wanted to make dinner as a thank you for everything this week. It's been an excellent vacation of sorts."  
"There's no need to do that!" Patsy counters.  
"But I wanted too." Delia grips the collar of Patsy's blouse and firmly pulls her a bit closer, "And are you going to stop me from doing what I want?" Patsy swallows.  
"N--no, of course not."  
"Good." She lets Patsy go with a grin and walks past, heading for the kitchen. After frowning at being left there like that, Patsy begins removing her shoes.  
"Please tell me you haven't been cooking all day." She calls out.  
"No no, of course not." Delia pops her head around the doorframe. "I had to shop in the morning."  
"Oh, y--" Patsy shakes her head at Delia's smirk while Delia giggles and goes back out of view.  
"You've got a few minutes until I think it will be ready, so rest your feet a bit." Patsy is tempted by the comfy sofa, but a kitchen chair offers better company. So she heads back, and is amazed by the sight of various pots on the stove and in the sink.  
"Delia, this is...too much." Patsy's never seen her cook this much, ever.  
"No, it isn't." She puts down the spoon she was holding and moves to lead Patsy over to a chair. "Sit. Tell me what your day was like." Patsy gives Delia's hand a squeeze.  
"I don't think I've ever seen you in control of so much food before."  
"I guess I've developed some new skills while living with my parents again."  
"So is all this all your mother's recipes? What is on the menu, exactly?" Patsy's mouth is watering. She'd had an early bite on the run since she knew she was going to be skipping tea at Nonnatus, and her stomach is begging for food now.  
"There's ham, with potatoes and vegetables. Carrots and peas to be exact, since I wanted to empty the house of the food we still had. Less for you to take back to Nonnatus as leftovers tomorrow." Patsy sucks in one of her cheeks,  
"And yet you decided to cook a whole ham. That's very logical, Dels." Delia's pulling out the potatoes to check them.  
"It's a very small ham actually, as you will see in a minute. The two portions I've already plated up was about a third of it." Satisfied with the consistency of the scalloped potatoes, Delia busies herself getting all the sides on the plates she already put the meat on.  
"Here, let me help." Patsy stands and steps over, reaching for a pot that looks to have the carrots and peas.  
"Don't you dare. If you wish, you can get us some drinks." Both women are simultaneously thinking that this domesticity is going to be hard to not have, come tomorrow night.  
"Fine. What would you like?"  
"Nothing alcoholic for me, thank you. I had enough last night. I don't want to push it." A smart idea, no need to risk inducing a seizure. She'd probably had too much last night as well, which was silly of her. "I think I might just stick with water for now." They each go about their tasks, Patsy getting them both glasses of water, and they sit down together quickly.  
"Delia, this looks utterly amazing. You really didn't need to do this. I'm...this is wonderful, thank you." It's such a nice thing for Delia to do.  
"I figured it is a good way to say thank you. You've done so much, not just this week of course, but this week's visit has been fantastic, and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. Especially…" She takes Patsy's hand across the table. "especially knowing now how hard it must have been at times, being here for me while things are so different from the way they were before. I appreciate it even more." To say the least.  
"You've said thank you for writing before, Delia. No need to go to such trouble to say it again. Especially since I should be apologizing."  
"Well, yes you should. But yes I do need to, because saying it is one thing, showing it is another. I want to be sure you can see it. I…" She smiles moving her thumb over Patsy's hand. "I care about you very much, and I appreciate that you're here for me. This is my way of beginning to return the favour for all you're doing for me, when I'm sure at times you didn't want to. So thank you." Patsy breaks their eye contact, pulling her lips into a tight line as she nods, trying to regain her composure.  
"Thank you, and you're welcome. I'm always here for you." Delia may not remember that they had made a promise to be together forever, but Patsy know it. If they had been a man and wife that vow would still count now, so why shouldn't that promise? "Well...let's tuck in, shall we?" She offers, wanting to change the subject so she doesn't start to fry at the table. Plus, she's absolutely starving. Delia lets go of Patsy's hand, and they both begin eating.


	15. Chapter 15

"So what happened after the party? We'd walked out, and on the way to the bus stop I had said we should make sure to meet for lunch at work that upcoming week, in a way that-- how did you put it?" They have collapsed onto the couch out of tiredness, brought on by the abundance of food. It was a few minutes before Delia felt she even had enough energy to speak. They got off track the night before, and she wants to hear more.  
"You said it in a way that made it clear the intention behind the meal was different. Your meaning was obvious." Patsy had wanted to take Delia in her arms right then and there, as happy as she was that this lovely girl was interested in her. "It was potentially to be a first step." Delia smiles, admiring how forward she seems to have been.  
"So what happened next, when we saw each other at work the first time after the party?" Patsy begins recounting the story with how nervous she was on Monday that she had dropped a tray of instruments and couldn't find one man's pulse.  
"But then mid-morning we passed each other as we each hurried off to other parts of the hospital, and you smiled at me. Instantly my nerves disappeared. It had just looked like a regular smile, but your eyes seemed to show a sincerity that said it was indeed for me and not the other nurse I was conversing with. I clearly hadn't imagined what had happened at the party, and your tone at the bus stop. I offered a smile back, and you said later you could tell it was a nervous one. And that was all the interaction we had that day. We were both rushed off our feet and hadn't been able to take our breaks at the usual time."  
"What a pity." Delia offers.  
"Quite." Patsy turns her left hand face up, hoping Delia will take it as an invitation. She does, and Patsy's hand feels like it's on fire again. "The next day our breaks worked out, and we planned on making sure we met for lunch on the Thursday."  
"In one of your letters you said we'd often work different shifts, but would chat during breaks and in the office."  
"Yes, later on we'd try to work the scheduling so that as we shifted to different parts of the day there would be overlap. So, for example, if you were working mornings and I had been on night shifts, we'd try to make it so that when I went to mornings you wouldn't change your shift until a few days later."  
"That's ingenious. It would allow for some time, but also would't arouse suspicion, I imagine."  
"Exactly. Every once in a while we'd work the same shifts, for a bit of a break from the back and forth." They fall into silence as Delia's thoughts drift ahead.  
"That sounds very good. Better than seeing each other who knows when, if I can plan for visits every six months or more."  
"Delia…" Delia shifts quickly, turning to face Patsy more.  
"No, it's true. I feel more at home here than I do with my parents. I'm stuck just visiting; the places, friends, you. Here I feel like I could actually have a life and move forward, rather than just being stuck in my parent's house without a purpose or a future." It hurts Patsy, hearing Delia talk like this. "Timing visits if possible with your weekend off, or a day off, if Mr. And Mrs. Roberts go on vacation again...it's been hard enough already, living there. But now...I don't want to think about it." Patsy kisses the top of Delia's head, squeezing her hands to try and provide reassurance.  
"Something will work out. I'd suggest finding a job of some sort when you get back home. No matter what your mother says. Convince her it's for the best, and find something you'd like to do. That way you can start saving some money. And I don't mean just so you could move here later; I just mean for you. Please don't sound so defeated already."  
"I don't want to have to leave, that's all." She looks over at Patsy with a small smile. "It feels wrong to leave when this new thing is just getting started." Patsy smiles, with a bit of a satisfied smirk.  
"I admit I wish you weren't going back as well, but we will make the most of what we have, for now. Letters are better than nothing." Patsy looks at Delia more seriously. "You will be sure that your letters remain private and that your mother doesn't see, of course."  
"Of course. I have been keeping them to myself as soon as I begin writing them on my own."  
"Good. Then we can continue these little retellings whenever you wish." Delia lets out a sigh, trying to shift gears.  
"Absolutely."  
"Good. Now come on then, no need to spend what is left of your last evening here thinking like this. Is there anything else you would like to do? Go out for coffee perhaps?" Patsy offers half-heartedly.  
"I'd rather just stay here, actually." Delia responds, drawing out a satisfied exhale from Patsy.  
"Good, because I don't think I can move. I was just trying to be polite."

They end up sitting and talking with the radio on as background music for quite a while. Despite the fact that Delia is leaving early, and there won't be a lot of time to pack up their things, they still end up talking later than they should. The conversation meanders, moving around across a few different topics, frequently something from the past or about Patsy. Delia keeps saying she wants to know more, and she wants to see if Patsy was honest in her letters. She wants to find out if the Patsy she thinks she knows, the one she likes, is the real one. After quite a while they decide to call it a night, and they both turn off the lights and head up, stopping on the upstairs landing.  
"You go ahead," Patsy motions over to the bathroom, "I'll go in after."  
"No no, you can go first." Delia counters, as usual. And as usual, Patsy insists.  
"Really, I insist." She pushes Delia a bit, playfully. "After six days you should stick to the pattern." Delia shakes her head, imitating annoyance, but she's smiling.  
"Fine. But first," She leans in, taking Patsy's cheek in her hand, and pulls her into a kiss. Patsy responds instantly, but then tries not to seem too eager. Knowing it's one of the last hours she'll see Delia, if she lets herself go she will do too much. Delia does seem to be pushing a bit herself, but they both pull away after a moment, opening their eyes with a smile.  
"Well...goodnight Delia." Patsy offers, unsure of what else to say.  
"Goodnight Patsy." With a last squeeze of their hands they part, each heading in a different direction.


	16. Chapter 16

"So, how was your time away from Nonnatus, Patsy?" Barbara asks as they all sit in the bedroom in the evening.  
"Yes, tell us what exciting things you got up to." Trixie prompts.  
"You know I was still working most of it. I really don't think that constitutes 'time away'."  
"Of course it does." Trixie continues. "You had an extra day off, and you weren't really around, besides lunches. We hardly saw you at all for a week." True.  
"So how was it? And how was the theatre? I've heard great things about How to Succeed in Business." Barbara inquires. She'd been jealous when Patsy said she had gotten ahold of two tickets. Patsy smiles as she exhales, flicking her cigarette into the ashtray.  
"It was fantastic. Normally I'm not a fan of musical theatre, but it was fun. It was worth the price of those tickets, as expensive as they were." Trixie laughs to herself, thinking of the tickets Fred had gotten for them a few years back.  
"Did Delia like it as well?" Barbara asks.  
"Even more so. She loves musicals though, so it would take a lot for her to not enjoy herself."  
"Mrs. Garner asked about it by the way, when I saw her on Tuesday for you. She will no doubt want to hear all about it this week." Trixie adds.  
"How was she?" Patsy asks. Mrs. Garner is a nice woman, who is having a rough pregnancy. And her first, no less.  
"Good; her blood pressure was a bit lower again, so that's something."  
"And how are Mr. and Mrs. David doing?" Patsy pauses, concerned. "Is some of the shock wearing off?" Barbara sighs.  
"I don't think so. I don't really blame them though, I've never seen anything like it. It's even worse than her sister's boy last month."  
"Such a defect seems extraordinary. If only they knew which side of their family it comes from."  
"At least they have each other, and they can help one another, hopefully. I honestly don't know how I'd get up in the morning, if I were in their shoes." Trixie offers.  
"Hopefully. That's as good as can be expected, I imagine." Barbara agrees. All three women fall silent for a moment.  
"Anyway," Trixie waves her hand to shift the gloom. "what did you get up to in your hours free from this house and the Sisters?"  
"It's more than we had." Barbara agrees.  
"I hope you went out and were able to have a good time?" Patsy can tell Trixie's hesitantly hopeful she didn't get too sad seeing Delia. Little does she know.  
"Yes, it was very nice. I missed seeing you two, obviously, but it is nice having somewhere else to be with a little more freedom." Not that Nonnatus is some sort of prison, but still.  
"I don't doubt that." Barbara takes a sip of her drink and gets up to change the record.  
"So what else did you do? Any good new restaurants or shops you can recommend?"  
"Well, Delia mentioned one dress shop she visited with a friend one day, but for the life of me I can't remember where she said it was exactly. I can ask her though."  
"Please do." Trixie interjects.  
"I will. Oh, and there's a nice new cafe not too far away from here, on Charles Street." When Patsy falls silent Barbara and Trixie look annoyed.  
"Is that it?" Trixie asks at the same time Barbara says,  
"That's all you've got for us, after a whole week?" She shakes her head a bit before turning her attention back to picking a record.  
"I didn't realize you were so boring." Trixie rolls her eyes as Patsy starts to shrug.  
"We mainly sat around talking for the last few days of her visit." Mainly, with the exception of a few key moments.  
"How boring. Surely nothing is that exciting." Trixie doesn't seem to have picked up on the fact that Patsy's begun fidgeting a bit more. Patsy knows Trixie will keep poking and teasing, so she decides to just let Trixie know. With a pointed look at Trixie, as Barbara's still focused on the record player,  
"If you must know, we were sitting around talking about the past." Trixie comprehends, her eyes lighting up as she shifts over to the edge of the bed. With a glance at Barbara as the needle scratches, and a quiet tone,  
"Really?" Patsy nods quickly. "So she's remembered some things?" Taking advantage of Barbara's distraction,  
"Actually no." How should she word this... "It seems that some history repeats itself, and then she wanted to hear more about it."

Trixie keeps up the regular conversation for a little while, pretending as if things are normal. But her curiousity can only wait so long before she feigns tiredness. With a few yawns, she stretches her arms up.  
"Augh..." She lets out. "I am tired. Ladies, I'm going to go get ready to turn in, sorry to cut the party short." She stands, collecting her nighttime things before heading down the hall, hoping Barbara and Patsy will both decide to follow her lead. Well, only Barbara, really. As hoped, while she's finishing washing her face she hears Barbara's quiet footsteps come closer, and then veer into her bedroom. After that Trixie quickly changes and heads back to the bedroom, walking in just as Patsy is doing up the bottom buttons on her pajama top. "Right then, let's hear it." Trixie plops down on her bed with a smile. "Tell me about it." Patsy frowns and squints a bit, confused.  
"You want to go to bed."  
"Oh please, I wanted Barbara to leave so we could talk properly. Not just in code." Patsy sits down on her bed, offering an eye roll. She thinks that Barbara suspects something about herself, but no point in finding out for sure. "So, you said you and Delia were talking about the past. I want to hear what's gone on! If, as you say, she hasn't remembered what you two were to each other before." As odd as it still seems to be talking this openly, Patsy must admit to herself it's an interesting change. It feels very strange, but fantastic. Patsy certainly isn't going to push Trixie's understanding too much, however.  
"Well…despite Delia's increasingly complimentary letters I certainly wasn't expecting anything. But this week, it…" How can she describe the different air that seemed to be about them? "I can't really describe it properly. It just felt different most of the time. Delia just seemed...closer and quicker to smile at something I would say. But then catch herself and quiet down." Reacting to her internal dialogue, no doubt. Trixie tilts her head.  
"And you?" Patsy inhales through her nose.  
"I was trying to hold onto the idea that I was imagining it, which became harder and harder as the week went on and I saw it more and more." That look in Delia's eyes that they had both had years ago, in the beginning. "A few days ago…" Hmm. "it was obvious, so I took the opportunity to make things clearer. And I apologized for not saying anything before, because I didn't know how."  
"I told you you should have!" Trixie agrees, happy at having been right. And also happy because her friend seems more upbeat than she has been in a very long time.  
"Yes...again you are right, and I hate you for it." Patsy offers a smile. "And Delia unknowingly agreed with you as well. Thankfully she hasn't seemed too angry." She never used to be able to stay mad at Patsy for long in the past either. "And after that, we mainly just stayed in talking. Delia wanted to know about the past, even if she can't remember it." Trixie takes a drag off her cigarette, taking it in, considering a thought.  
"How did you tell her? I can't imagine that was an easy thing to put out there." Trixie may not care much, but most everyone else does. And telling someone they're that way...Trixie can't imagine. "She obviously took it well and believed you." Patsy opens her mouth a bit, trying to figure out quite what to say.  
"I...didn't say anything at first, just...showed her, really." Patsy leaves it at that, but Trixie understands with a smile and a surprised look.  
"Why Patsy! You sly thing. A man kissing a woman by surprise would be potentially asking for a slap. You got off very lucky indeed." Patsy knows it clearly wasn't unwanted on Delia's part, but she smiles at Trixie's tone. And at the fact that she's amused rather than disgusted.  
"It wasn't unwelcome. I could tell that. So it was slightly less of a risk. Not quite taking my life into my hands."  
"How did Delia react?" Trixie asks, curious. She's never thought about how two women could possibly have a relationship, since men are so nice, but now she realizes she has a lot of questions. And she's happy the Patsy that's back again seems a bit more talkative and open than she ever was before.  
"Fine. She understood what I had been trying to get out, and that it wasn't something new. She said that might have explained how she was feeling, had she known earlier, and she was cross about it." Trixie figured Patsy should have said something. "But Delia understood where I was coming from, so she seems to have forgiven me."  
"That's good."  
"I'm sure it will come up again a few times though."  
"If Delia has any sense she will milk it for all it's worth." Trixie declares. "I would." Patsy smiles and shakes her head.  
"Of course you would." She changes tack. "And after that we sat and talked. She asked some questions, and we talked about the past. Starting at the beginning."  
"You two met at The London, I've assumed?" Trixie asks, wanting to keep talking as long as Patsy's comfortable.  
"Yes, when I started there. So I filled Delia in a bit, starting with that. And we just kept talking, so no big exciting outings for the rest of her stay." Trixie frowns.  
"Well, I wish you'd gone out so you had some new places for us to visit, but I can see why not, now." She reaches across and squeezes Patsy's hand with a sincere grin. "I'm happy for you. And quite a bit jealous, actually." Trixie sits up a bit straighter. "Again, I don't really understand it, not wanting a man," she says bluntly but honestly, "but I think it's wonderful. After all this time, and all that's happened…starting again for a second time seems rather amazing." Would she try again with Tom, given the chance? Trixie doesn't think so, but they really aren't quite suited for each other, so it's a bit different. "And very lucky, given how you could have messed it up by not saying anything." She adds in a jesting tone. Patsy pulls together a smile as she tries not to cry at how amazing Trixie is. What a special friend she is, to be so…fine with Patsy and the way she is.  
"You told me to move on, now you've changed your tune!" She chuckles as Trixie shakes her head.  
"I said tell her or move on, one or the other. Rather than being stuck in purgatory. I'm glad you've stopped that. So what now, now that Delia's gone back?" Patsy offers up a tilt of her head.  
"Same as before. Writing letters." Trixie tucks her chin in.  
"Surely not just going back to the way it's been since the accident. You mentioned at dinner that she is trying to come up with a plan that would allow her to move back home."  
"Yes, at some point, but that could still take some time. So in the meantime, letters it is." Patsy can see Trixie mulling over an idea, so she waits for Trixie to come out with it.  
"Does that mean you'll be moving out? Like you were going to before?" She doesn't like the idea of not having her friend around all the time. Patsy has helped her so much, and been so supportive while she has kept working on her alcohol problem. Plus, being in a room by herself is just downright lonely. "I understand now why you'd want to, eventually. But I hated the idea before and I still hate it now." Patsy scrunches her lips together in a sad-ish smile.  
"Well, yes. But not right this second, Trixie. A few months, a year, I don't know when. It will depend on a lot of things." Patsy answers honestly, "I would miss seeing you and going out as often as we do. And Barbara. You two are fantastic." Trixie smiles at the compliment.  
"Yes, we are, why you would want to leave us is beyond me." She offhands, in an over-the-top manner. "Two friends versus privacy to be oneself with the person you love? I think the choice is obviously us, silly." They both chuckle for a quick moment.  
"When you put it that way…" Patsy grows serious. "I'd still be around though. Lunchtime, getting together to go out after work, that type of thing. Especially since I wouldn't want to move somewhere too far from work anyway." With all the biking, Patsy doesn't need to add to it.  
"Chummy said the same thing, and she's not around nearly as much." Trixie points out. "I'm going to make sure to hold you to that." Patsy lights another cigarette.  
"That's different; you can't blame Chummy. She has Freddy." And Peter who, as excellent as he is, still expects Chummy to have a meal on the table most nights. Trixie doesn't have that to worry about with Patsy. Plus, when she has her own family she will be happy for the times her and Chummy can get together for play dates, and to compare parenting notes. Trixie gets another serious look on her face as she pulls the covers down on her bed.  
"So have you never wanted children?" Patsy frowns at the presumption. Though, she has to figure Trixie really has no idea what Patsy might think about the subject.  
"You presume I don't?" Trixie begins stumbling over herself, trying to figure out how to explain her assumption.  
"I, well I've heard-- isn't--" Patsy bites her lip not to laugh.  
"I'm teasing you a bit, relax. I've never considered it, since it's not possible. So I can't say I have or haven't wanted them." You can't miss or want what you've never considered. "It's never crossed my mind. But not all people like me don't want children, that's untrue, so you know. We're not all the same."  
"No, I…" Trixie starts to counter. "I guess not. I've just never had much exposure before I guess. Besides a few men." She admits.  
"Of course, it's no surprise. I wouldn't expect that you have, knowingly."  
"Do you know many other women or men that are similarly inclined?" Patsy tilts her head.  
"A few. But it's not as if we can spot each other by our matching badges or secret handshakes." And even if they could, there's no way anyone would acknowledge it in public. Trixie looks disgusted and flaps her hand in Patsy's direction, dismissing Patsy's joke, as she sits up against her headboard. Chuckling slightly,  
"Oh stop it." Changing course once again, "I'm going to keep trying to convince you to stay until you actually move out, you should be aware of that." Patsy senses Trixie's mainly joking.  
"Of course. I'd be disappointed if you didn't. You will have a while to work at it, since it takes so long to save up."  
"Surely after all the time here you are doing okay. You were able to afford it before."  
"Well yes, but Delia's been without income for quite some time, and she would need some time whenever she's ready."  
"Good." Trixie concedes. "Just as long as you will open up your flat for us as a refuge from the Sisters from time to time when Barbara and I need it." Patsy smiles.  
"Absolutely."


	17. Chapter 17

"Hello?"  
"Hi Pats, it's Delia." Patsy grins like the devil in surprise.  
"It is! What on earth are you doing on the telephone?" She glances around, getting an idea of how close the others are, and how loud they're being in the kitchen.  
"I've run over to a neighbours; they have a phone and were nice enough to let me use it. They've gone out for a walk." She sounds very distorted and far away, but it's still fantastic to hear her.  
"That's very nice of them."  
"I said it was an emergency and that I would pay them back for the call, and they didn't seem to mind too much."  
"What's the matter? Is everything okay?" Patsy quickly jumps into nurse mode.  
"Nothing's the matter, I promise." Whew. "I just wanted to hear your voice." Patsy bites her lips, grinning some more. Lowering her voice,  
"You're tricky as ever, aren't you?" Delia responds with a smile in her voice,  
"I can't really answer that, can I?"  
"Right. Well I can, and yes, you are. I can't believe I'm talking to you. This is a very nice surprise."  
"I had hoped you'd be there and took a chance." Patsy smiles some more.  
"I'm glad I'm on call today to answer the phone then. And here I had been thinking I would be bored all day." Delia likes the thought that Patsy's excited by her call. It's so fantastic hearing her voice again, and having Patsy feel the same way is wonderful. Patsy really is something special.  
"I know you can't really talk, in case someone calls with an emergency, but it didn't feel right to just put this in a letter." Patsy frowns.  
"Are you sure nothing is the matter? Have you had another bad seizure and you're trying to reassure me you're alright? Or did something happen at the library?"  
"No, no. I promise everything is fine. And work has been fine, since the library is quieter when it's pouring. But I was answering your last letter yesterday evening, and it just seemed wrong to sign off with I love you before I had been able to say it in person." Patsy tries suppressing her grin by sucking on her upper lip. Unsuccessfully. "So, I figured I would call to say it. Patsy, I love you." Patsy can hear a bit of happy nervousness in Delia's voice as she feels tears pricking at the back of her eyes. "There. I just wanted you to know." Patsy lets out a contented sigh and it takes her a long second to respond. When she does, quietly, with a lot of emotion in her voice after glancing around carefully again,  
"I love you too, Delia, more than I can say." Patsy hears a happy chuckle come through the telephone, and they both sit there for a moment, letting the silence linger.  
"I really didn't intend to keep you on the phone very long, so I'm going to let you go."  
"We can talk a bit longer." Personal calls are against the rule, but right now she doesn't care.  
"No no, I'm not going to be potentially preventing someone from reaching you all. I know you've got a lot going on there. Besides," Patsy can hear the smile in her voice. "I've said what I wanted to anyway."  
"And I am so thrilled you did. Even if you hadn't though, it was lovely hearing your voice."  
"Yours as well. It will sustain me here in this rain for another four months, hopefully." There's another short moment of quiet, this time a little less happy.  
"Okay, well, I love you. Don't get too wet."  
"I'll try, and your letter will be posted tomorrow. Love you."  
"You too, bye Dels."  
"Bye Pats." The line disconnects a couple seconds later and Patsy places the phone back in the receiver with a grin. That certainly was an unexpected surprise. An amazing one at that. She practically floats back into the kitchen to continue preparing dinner. Sister Winifred looks over, and notices Patsy's expression.  
"You look rather happy, I must say."  
"Do I?" Patsy asks, being brought back to reality quickly. "I guess I'm just in a good mood."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got this whole story written out, but hopefully the Christmas Special tomorrow doesn't make me reconsider the whole plot and want to re-write this thing!


	18. Chapter 18

Patsy has finished a chapter in her book when she decides she should turn in. With a long day of rounds, and Mrs. Johnston being so close to bursting, she'll need her energy. Delia retired upstairs a few minutes ago, and Patsy can hear the water running. After two and a half months Patsy still loves the different little sounds that come from sharing a flat. Water running, Delia preparing food, Delia listening to some music as Patsy reads, footsteps around the place…it's perfect. And she's still amazed how lucky they were to find such an odd little perfect place. A 10 minute bike ride away from Nonnatus, a simple bus route to the city and the library for Delia, and the house itself is very nice. A very strange configuration of rooms, and a little rough around the edges still perhaps, with some questionable wallpaper, but they have plenty of time to fix that some more. And to clean up the sad looking back garden in the warmer weather. But finding a relatively cheap place in the right area? That was like finding a surprise needle in a haystack, and it was not something they could pass up. She turns off the lights in the living room, checks again that the locks are clicked into place around the ground floor, and then heads up the stairs. Reaching the bathroom, she finds Delia standing brushing her teeth. Delia smiles a bit in the reflection as they make eye contact when Patsy leans against the doorframe.  
"I'm going to turn in as well I think."  
"I'm almost done." Delia carefully offers, making sure she doesn't drool toothpaste everywhere, making Patsy smile in turn.  
"Take your time Dels, no rush. Anyway, I don't mind waiting when the view is this lovely." Delia blushes a bit before getting a slightly strange look in her eyes. She bends over more to spit and rinse off her toothbrush before putting it back. When she turns back she has a glorious smile on her face, but she looks a little nervous. She steps over to Patsy, stopping in front and placing a short kiss on her lips.  
"When you are done, don't go to your room." Patsy frowns in response, confused, until Delia explains, "I hate saying goodnight to you, so I don't want to anymore." Patsy's face freezes, out of surprise. She was not expecting Delia to say that.  
"Oh…" Delia quickly adds,  
"I don't mean…" She trails off, nervously. "Just sleep, I mean. I just hate feeling like we're cutting our time together short, even just by an hour or so. But if you don't want to or aren't ready for that, then it's fine. I just--"  
"Delia, stop." Patsy takes her hand to stop her as she begins to ramble. After planting a kiss on the back of her hand, "Of course, and I know what you meant. I'm just surprised, that's all." With a smile and a blink, seeming more confident than she actually is, "I'll be in in a few minutes." Delia offers her own falsely confident smile and, with a kiss on Patsy's cheek, walks out. Patsy's left to stare at her own reflection for a moment, think of what's happened, before exhaling a long breath. "Right…" she tells herself. She's not going to lie to herself and say it's not a big deal, and that she's merely sleeping in a different place, because it's not. Patsy just hopes she doesn't do anything to screw it up somehow. She's surprised that Delia's said what she did, after only five months of being in London, and under three sharing a flat and being together more. No matter; Patsy isn't going to complain. She quickly goes about her nighttime routine, ending up standing in her room after she's finished putting on her pajamas. Patsy stares at the bed for a moment (screwing her courage a bit, if she's honest) before picking up her pillow and walking back out, turning off the light as she exits. The trip down the hallway is only a couple steps, so she's in the doorway before she has time to figure out what to say at first. Having only spent a few nights in Delia's room at the Nurse's Home, she has never had to 'move in' like this before. Patsy needn't be this nervous though, she knows that, and Delia certainly doesn't look nervous (it's an act, Patsy just can't tell). She looks up as Patsy steps in, offering her a smile from the far side of the bed. She's sitting up with a book in her lap.  
"That didn't take as long as I figured it usually does." She gives Patsy a slight smirk, who just shrugs a tiny bit. Delia pats the empty side of the bed. "I set the alarm clock for you." She informs as she glances to her left. "Not that you probably need it." Patsy's been getting up at the same time for so long her internal clock wakes her up no matter what.  
"Thank you, how thoughtful. The one time I don't have a clock to wake me up will be the one time I would need it." Patsy walks in and motions to her pillow. "I travel light."  
"So I see." Delia leans to put her book down on the nightstand as Patsy sits on the edge of the bed, watching her.  
"Are you sure about this? You can change your mind, and I won't be mad, you don't have to worry."  
"Yes, I'm sure. Don't worry." She slides down into a prone position as Patsy gets in under the covers. When they turn to look at each other they smile like a couple of giggly schoolgirls. "There, much better." Delia smiles happily and then leans over to give Patsy a kiss. "This is more like it."  
"I have to agree." Patsy says with a smile.  
"You're not going to kick me in the middle of the night or something? Decide to snore very loudly?"  
"I won't if you won't." Patsy replies.

They had laid like that, talking, for a short while before turning off the bedside lamps and actually going to sleep. Patsy can't speak for Delia of course, but when the alarm clock begins ringing she's slept very soundly. One of her better night's sleep since moving from Nonnatus. As she twists to turn it off Delia groans beside her, clearly annoyed by being woken up before she has to.  
"Sorry." Patsy croaks out, her voice breaking because she's not really awake yet. Delia reaches over and takes a hold of Patsy, turning her into a little spoon. Patsy bursts into a sleepy grin, closing her eyes again for a moment.  
"Don't get up; stay here. Say you're sick." Delia mumbles as she lets out a deep breath into the back of Patsy's neck. Patsy feels goosebumps rise on her skin in response. She ignores it and stretches a bit.  
"There is no doubt a baby going to be born today that wouldn't like it if I did." Delia lets out a noise that resembles a 'harrumph'.  
"That baby will be born if you show up or not, so he or she should mind their own business." She does loosen her hold on Patsy a bit though, conceding. Patsy twists around to face her, asking,  
"So what's the verdict? Did I kick you awake all through the night?" She doesn't think so, but you never know.  
"No punching, kicking or snoring, I'm happy to report. And I hope the same goes for me?" Patsy nods. "Good." Patsy leans in, kissing Delia for a long moment before pulling back with,  
"I really need to get up though." Delia gives Patsy another kiss before fully removing her arms. Her right hand had found it's way into Patsy's hair, and she really wishes Patsy didn't have to move. But, regardless of what either of them wants, it's morning and they both have places to be. Delia still has about half an hour before she has to get up and be ready to catch the bus, but she has to be up as well, eventually.


	19. Chapter 19

Three weeks later

Delia hears the door open and Patsy come in with what sounds like some bags. Delia hopes she remembered the onions or else dinner won't taste very good.  
"It's only me!" Patsy calls out. It sounds completely innocent to other people, a way of announcing oneself, but it's Patsy and Delia's way of making sure neither of them is surprised by the presence of unknown visitors. Delia knows she's free to respond back,  
"In the kitchen, sweetheart!" After a few moments Patsy comes in, groceries in hand, placing them on the table. With a quick glance out the window on her way in Patsy steps over to Delia, giving her a peck on the offered cheek.  
"Good evening Dels."  
"Hello Pats. Did you remember to pick u--"  
"Yes I did, here." She puts the bag down beside the cutting board. "You telling me to remember something." Patsy mutters comically.  
"How the tables have turned." Delia throws back at her before putting down the knife and spinning around to offer Patsy a proper hello. She pulls Patsy closer, grabbing her wait and neck, before kissing her. It's soft, slow and definitely not a 'I just saw you this morning' type hello. Neither one of them is complaining, however. A need for air is what breaks the kiss more than anything else, with both women pulling back and taking deep breaths. Patsy lets go of Delia, as her hands ended up around her waist and at her cheek, while Delia's had roamed around Patsy's shoulders, pulling her down a bit.  
"What was that for?" Patsy asks, in happy surprise.  
"I just love you, that's all."  
"I love you too." With a short kiss this time, Patsy steps back to go about pulling out the last minute food she picked up. When you get a small rib roast on sale, you better make the most of it.

After a lovely dinner, Patsy and Delia settled into their normal evening positions. Delia's on one side of the chesterfield with a book (the latest 'must read' at the library, so she figures she should), and Patsy on the other, listening to the radio, thinking about what to do in the garden when the weather gets nicer. They've been planted like this for a while when Delia frowns to herself and gets up, turning off the radio before sitting back down right next to Patsy, who raises her eyebrows and frowns.  
"Can I help you with something?" She asks, with a bit of fake annoyance, as she turns to look at Delia. She was quite enjoying the music.  
"Either you haven't noticed, or you just haven't said anything, but either way I'm going to point it out now." She doesn't sound annoyed, which is good, as she reaches to her throat and further pulls out the chain that Patsy just notices is around her neck. "I've had this on for two days." Patsy offers her an amused frown.  
"I'm sorry, I'm a terrible companion I suppose." Delia holds it up a bit more.  
"Since I only have two pieces of jewellery I'm fairly certain this is the one I wore your ring on. Do you recognize it?" Suddenly Patsy does, stilling for a second. The only other necklace Delia owns has a pendant on it.  
"Ahh, yes, now that you mention it." Why is Delia bringing this up? She's looking at Patsy for a moment, nervously, and then stuns Patsy by saying,  
"If you would agree to it, I'd like to start wearing your ring again." In the next few moments all Patsy can manage to do is take hold of her bottom lip with her teeth, causing Delia to jump in, explaining nervously and quickly, "I wish I had a ring to give you instead, but I don't have any. And there's no way I would be able to buy one, since I don't have any male friends to help me by pretending and going to a ring shop. And if I--"  
"Delia, stop." Patsy's biting her lip harder, trying not to cry. "I'm just...in shock. That is in no way what I was expecting to come out of your mouth." She takes Delia's hand as Delia counters,  
"If you don't want me to have it, then that's fi--"  
"Of course I want you to have it!" Patsy jumps in. "More than anything." That hasn't changed, at all. "It's just after only six months or so I'm surprised, that's all." For Patsy, things may be a bit different but she hasn't stopped loving Delia, so she has no problem promising forever again. But for Delia, this is new, and Patsy doesn't want her to be feeling pushed into it. She doesn't think she's been doing that, but maybe without realizing it? "Delia, are you sure? I would hate for you to think you have to, just because you did before." Delia puts her hand over Patsy's.  
"I'm sure. I want this. I love you, more than I can say and for so many reasons." She rolls her eyes, in an oddly serious way. "And life's too short to wait for silly reasons. Why wait? Because it's been a few months? It's society that says that's maybe too fast. The same society that says this is wrong, and they're wrong about that. So I don't care. Plus, with how drawn out things were before, it sort of...balances out. " Patsy's crying now, and Delia's about to start. "I love you. And I don't want to miss another minute by being any less than we have to be. Not to each other, at least." Delia's little speech has left Patsy struggling to control her emotions, and it reminds her of other comments Delia's made in the past. Delia may be different in a few ways, but she's without a doubt the same Delia that Patsy's loved since all those years ago.  
"You're amazing Delia, truly." Patsy offers with a smile. "I'll go get it." With a kiss on Delia's knuckles Patsy stands and heads up to 'her' bedroom. She lets out a deep breath, trying to calm herself down as she crosses over to her dresser, and her jewellery box. Mentally telling herself to stop shaking from happiness. After pulling out the ring, and spinning it around in her hand for a moment, she turns to leave but is surprised by the presence of Delia in the doorway. Clearly Patsy's own footsteps were masking Delia's. "Delia, you scared me!"  
"Sorry!" She walks in. "It seems silly to wait downstairs."  
"Here," Patsy motions. "take the chain off." As she does Patsy tells her, "Delia, I love you so much. I know I won't always show it as much as you would like; I'm always too careful out of necessity. But I want you to always know how much I mean it and how much I care about you. And I will always try to do better." She offers a bit of a smile. "I don't want to have to offer this to you a third time, but if I have to I'll do it time and time again, if you'll accept it." Delia makes to take the ring as Patsy holds it up, but pulls her hand away at the last second.  
"You won't stay silent next time, heaven forbid, and leave me to my own devices again?" Delia half jokes. "You tell me right away, and I promise to do the same."  
"I have learned my lesson, I promise." Delia grins again,  
"Good." and she takes the ring, sliding it onto the chain. "That would be an even crueller twist of fate, though." Delia's eyes well up some more as she looks at the ring. "Oh Pats, it's gorgeous." Patsy did recount the story of the ring before, while talking about her family, but this is the first time Delia has seen it. The gold band is simple, but the circular gold work and the diamond resting in the centre is so unique. It gives the ring an almost flower shape, which is a lovely coincidence, given how old the ring is. The ring is definitely more ornate and telling of a better position than others, especially compared to what most women in Poplar have.  
"My father clearly had good taste." Patsy offhands as Delia puts the chain back around her neck. She holds the clasp up to Patsy though. "It seems fitting for you to do this part." Patsy smiles at Delia's subconscious memory of the last time Patsy did this, and takes a second to get the small clasp done up.  
"There…" She spins it back around and looks up at Delia. "beautiful." Delia picks it up to look at the ring again.  
"It is, really." Patsy tilts her head and smirks a little,  
"What makes you think I was referring to the ring?"  
"Oh, you." Delia playfully slaps Patsy's arm, but then pulls her into a kiss. "I'm not taking this ring off at all the time. So you need to help me come up with a good story, in case anyone asks about it." Another smile, "I love you, forever." Patsy's heart swells. Each time she hears it from Delia she's thankful.  
"I'm glad you're still in my life." Delia adds quietly,  
"I feel the same, I love you too. You and I, together forever, how does that sound?"  
"It sounds perfect to me." Patsy decides to seal their promise with a kiss. It leads to another, and another, and then Delia pulls back slightly, offering up,  
"I know the perfect way to celebrate this." before going in for another kiss, with a lot more passion. Realizing Delia's intention, Patsy stills her with a hand and leans back.  
"Delia...don't you think this is enough for today? One thing at a time." Patsy's trying to diffuse the situation, but Delia isn't helping (or is she) by leaning into her again, talking quietly about an inch from Patsy's face.  
"What? You don't want to?" The sly look in her eyes is killing Patsy, who lets out a long breath.  
"I-- that's not-- I, I didn't say that." She stutters.  
"Well then…" Delia reaches around Patsy's waist to hold her tighter and they kiss again until Delia's hand slides down to where Patsy's shirt is tucked in. Then Patsy pulls back again.  
"Are you sure?" Delia smiles in an exasperated manner and takes Patsy's hand, pulling her out of the room. Walking backwards she reassures,  
"Yes. I may be nervous, and a bit unsure about…" She blushes a bit. "...mechanics, but with you and now? I'm positive about that." Delia pauses in the doorway to their room. "Are you sure? I don't want to pressure you, either." Even though it's (essentially) her first time and not Patsy's, that doesn't mean she isn't too nervous perhaps. When Delia asks, Patsy's mind flashes back to that last night two years ago, when they had been intent on having a picnic inside, but had become distracted. To say the least. Patsy would love to feel even a fraction of that again. Patsy manages to give Delia a nod before kissing her with clear intention. After the long kiss Patsy does add,  
"If you want to stop, just say so." Delia hears her but doesn't respond, choosing instead to bring Patsy's head close again as she slides a hand back down to where Patsy's blouse is tucked in. She quickly pulls the edge of Patsy's shirt out, craving some skin to skin contact. This is a good place to start, but she has a feeling that it isn't going to be enough for very long. Patsy, at the moment, is just trying to focus on the here and now, rather than allowing her thoughts to drift back to the first time she offered Delia the ring.


	20. Chapter 20

Patsy knows it's late, but she takes the chance Delia's home and awake enough to see her. After parking her bicycle and getting through to the hallway (saying hello to some of the various women she knows as they go in various directions) she makes her way down to Delia's room, happy to see the door is open. Of course, that could mean other people are there and she'll have to come up with an excuse as to why she's there. Sure enough, as she knocks on the doorframe she sees Delia is not alone. Putting on a smile,  
"Knock knock, sorry to interrupt."  
"Patsy, hello!"  
"Patsy." Marie and Delia answer. "This is a surprise." She's surprised, but not unhappy.  
"Hello Marie, how are you?"  
"I'm great Patsy, how are you?" Patsy breathes,  
"Oh, I'm fine." in a way that isn't really believable.  
"Is everything okay?" Delia asks quickly. She knows that if Patsy has shown up unannounced, something is up.  
"I was just hoping to talk, but you two are chatting so I'm sorry to intrude." Patsy offers a smile. "I can talk to you later." Delia shakes her head,  
"A few of us just got back from the movies, and we were actually just finishing a drink." Marie holds up her empty glass.  
"You're not interrupting at all. I should be leaving anyway." As she stands, Delia, who's still watching Patsy, asks,  
"Is something wrong?" Patsy thinks for a second before answering.  "Relationship trouble." That draws a sympathetic nod from Marie and wide eyes from Delia. She thought they had moved past their rough few days last week. Marie stubs out her cigarette and picks up her glass.  
"Did a date stand you up or something?"  
"Or something, yes." As she walks by Patsy, Marie gives her a pat on the shoulder.  
"Men can be horrid." She smiles and adds, "You two talk it out, I'll give you some privacy." as she shuts the door behind her. If only she knew. Her assumption helps though, and Patsy only had to step back and lock the door behind her. As she turns back Delia asks seriously,  
"Patsy, what is it?" She moves across the room to sit on the bed beside Delia.  
"I'm sorry to barge in, you and Marie were busy and I--"  
"And you showed up." Delia interrupts. "You know I'd rather spend time with you any day. So don't even apologize." Patsy smiles.  
"Well good, because this is important." Boy, is she nervous. Delia can see it, which is making her worried. 'Relationship trouble' and now nerves? This doesn't bode well. She waits anxiously for Patsy to explain herself. With a sigh, Patsy begins as she looks at Delia and takes her hand. "Delia, I love you. I am sorry if the way I act doesn't show it enough. I wish I could relax more at times in public, I do. But it's just not in my nature. I wish I could move past being conditioned to follow the rules, but it has kept me alive." Patsy doesn't want to say much more, because she doesn't want to seem to be using her experiences during the war as an excuse. Delia understands what Patsy is getting at though, and she gives her hand a squeeze.  
"I know Patsy, I'm sorry. When I get upset it's not really you I'm upset with. It's the situation, and how limited we are. And I guess I take it out on you occassionally because, well, you're the only one I can do that with." Patsy offers her a bit of a smile.  
"The two of us against the world."  
"Exactly." Patsy gets serious again.  
"Delia, I wasn't looking for an apology, if anything I need to give you one. I am sorry I can't seem to show it as often as you can, let alone when we're in public. But," She thinks of the ring in her pocket and her nerves get worse. "I never want you to question how I feel about you, ever. I will try to do better for you, and we will come up with a way to live as best we can, make the most of everything...but even completely ignoring all of that, I want you to know how much I care about you and want to be with you." Delia gives her a smile as if to say she loves her too, as Patsy reaches for her pocket. "Delia, I love you and want to be with you forever. And even if no one else knows, you will. And I want you to be able to know that every minute of every day, even if I'm being overly cautious." She pulls out the ring and Delia's eyes widen, as she brings a hand up to her mouth. "This is a token to show that I love you. And a promise that I always will. If you will accept it, of course." Delia's eyes are wet (so are her own), and Patsy takes that as a good sign. "You make me so happy Dels, and you're so--" She's silenced as Delia grabs her face and pulls her off balance into a kiss. Patsy's forced to brace herself, causing her to lean into Delia even more. When Delia lets her go she's able to right herself again, though she has less desire to than before.  
"Patsy, you're fantastic, I love you so much. You are the sweetest person I've ever known. I want nothing more than to somehow grow old together." She takes Patsy's free hand and kisses its knuckles. "I wish we didn't have to be two different people, in private and in public, but for you it's worth it. I love you so much." Patsy wipes one of her eyes and holds the ring up again.  
"So?" Delia smiles and nods, then abruptly stands and goes over to the dresser.  
"Absolutely. Since I can't wear it properly though…" She turns back with a chain in her hands. "...this is perfect." Patsy smiles again, relieved, and her nerves dissipate.  
"Excellent." Delia comes back over, standing in front of her.  
"How did you manage to buy a ring like this?" Delia asks as Patsy hands it to her. She's smiling like crazy, looking at the gorgeous ring. When a second later Patsy answers,  
"It was my mothers." Delia goes still, her face falling. She's silent for a long moment, then she places the ring back in Patsy's hand.   
"Pats, I can't accept this. That's…" She exhales slowly. One of the few things Patsy has of her mothers; Delia can't take that from her. "That is too much Patsy, no." Patsy huffs a bit and takes the chain from Delia, threading the ring on.  
"Yes Delia, please. I want you to have it."  
"But Patsy, it was your mothers, and--"  
"It was my mothers, and now it's mine." She pulls Delia down so she's kneeling in front of her on the carpet. "It's been mine for years, since my father got it back from my uncle's family after the war, where he'd sent to for safe keeping." Patsy remembers the day her father ran to the post office, hoping to protect their important things from being taken from them, and hoping the post wasn't being stopped. The next day the family was rounded up and told to pack, all under watch. Her father's instincts had been right. "It is mine, and I am giving it to the woman I love." She adds a bit jokingly, "So you should take it and not break my heart." Delia smiles, but begins shaking her head.  
"Patsy, I--"  
"Oh for goodness sakes…" Patsy leans forward and puts the chain around Delia's neck, doing up the clasp in a couple seconds. "I want you to have it, and you were about to accept it, so please take it. And anyway, this way it means more than a new ring, if I'd been able to purchase one." Delia watches Patsy for a long few seconds, and Patsy takes her hand as her eyes well up.  
"Oh, Patsy." Patsy's eyes well up more as they hug, with both women wiping their eyes as they separate. Delia picks up the ring from where it dangles around her neck, turning it around to look at it.  
"Patsy, it's gorgeous." Patsy's looking at Delia's face when she responds,  
"Beautiful." Delia looks up and catches her, then grins and practically pounces on Patsy, kissing her hard.  
"I love you."  
"I love you too." Delia shifts, forcing Patsy's back down onto the bed with a sound of surprise. After a few moments, as Delia begins unbuttoning Patsy's blouse, Patsy moves her hand from the back of Delia's neck and tries to argue. "De--Delia...it's late, and--"  
"And we have the...perfect cover...thanks to you." She's spurned on by the fact that Patsy's not really putting up much of a fight, and not even slowing down her kisses much. So she continues her quest to free Patsy from her shirt as she explains, "I'm...consoling you because of your man troubles...and by the time you're feeling better…" Patsy gives in with a smirk, shifting them straighter so their legs aren't dangling over the edge of the bed.  
"I guess I...might as well just spend the night." She finishes Delia's thought.  
"Exactly." Delia pulls the hem of Patsy's shirt from her skirt as she lays on top of the taller woman. "It's the safe…thing to do...don't want you out on the...streets at night." She goes back to focusing on kissing Patsy's neck, rather than talking. It's a much nicer task anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Delia suddenly showed up in the series with a ring around her neck, my mind instantly started trying to come up with an explanation/story to go with it.


	21. Chapter 21

Shrill ringing suddenly wakes Patsy and Delia up, Patsy groaning before rolling to silence the offending clock. Delia sighs,  
"Every morning, so loud." They both roll over to face each other, putting on sleepy smiles. "Morning." Patsy offers, rubbing her eyes slightly. Delia scoots closer, bringing an arm around Patsy and kissing her sleepily.  
"Morning, beautiful." Patsy smirks, reaching for Delia as well, as their legs entangle a bit. Delia sighs again, contented this time, when she tucks her head against Patsy's shoulder. "I love you."  
"I love you too." Patsy replies. "Did you sleep okay? After sleeping on it you don't regret last night, do you?" She asks, hoping for a positive answer, but wanting to be sure.  
"Which part?" Delia asks with a smile. "Accepting this," She reaches to hold the ring around her neck, "or being together?"  
"Either, really."  
"Of course not!" Delia reassures as she takes Patsy's hand. "I love you, even more so. I know I technically asked for it, but that was because you had already said I could have the ring again, when I was ready. And the fact that you are entrusting me with your mother's ring is…" Delia searches for the right word. "I'm honoured." Patsy smiles and mirrors Delia's sentiment,  
"I'm honoured you want it, and me. Someone as fantastic and sweet as you wanting to be with me and all my faults."  
"I can say the same. Considering for example I can't remember to turn off the stove half the time." Delia moves her arms to hug Patsy without all the blankets in the way.  
"Well then, it's a good thing I'm here. I'll look after it when you don't."  
"Excellent." They kiss for a moment, with a tenderness reminiscent of last night. "And as for being together," Delia explains with they pull back. "my only regret is that I didn't move back to London sooner." Patsy thinks the cheeky, sly look on Delia's face is adorable. With a kiss on her nose,  
"Good." Patsy sucks in a deep breath. "Now, sadly, I have to get up and ready for the day. I think I'm going to need a lot of tea to survive." She's still exhausted, and the prospect of biking around seems daunting.  
"If you insist." Delia agrees, releasing her hold on Patsy. She leans on her side, watching as Patsy sits up at the edge of the bed, yawning and trying to wake up. She doesn't want either of then to have to leave and go to work, especially because she's working the late shift at the library and won't be home for hours after Patsy gets back. The thought of being apart that long from the woman whose bare back she's staring at seems wrong.


	22. Chapter 22

"It's only me!" Delia calls out as she walks in, shutting the door, forcing the afternoon rain shower to stay outside and not ruin her new rug.  
"I'm just getting changed!" Patsy calls down from up the stairs. Delia rolls her eyes as she takes off her shoes.  
"We've got over an hour before we're meeting Trixie and Barbara at the theatre!" Delia would never have expected Patsy to take so long to get ready, just for a movie no less.  
"With you having to change as well, I figured I'd be out of your way in plenty of time!" A likely excuse, Delia thinks as she climbs the stairs. She finds Patsy in 'her' room deciding between two tops. "Hello."  
"Hello, darling." They kiss quickly and Delia holds up a finger.  
"That's a hello, and this is because I love you." She kisses Patsy again, with more feeling. "I'd go with the white one." She offers when she pulls back, after glances at the two shirts Patsy has in her hands.  
"Ah, white it is then." Patsy puts the other one back as Delia plops down on the bed (it's got to get wrinkles in it somehow).  
"You will never guess what happened at the library today."  
"Well, I'd imagine someone wanted to check out a book at some point." Patsy jokes as she pulls on the blouse, starting to button it. Delia ignores Patsy's attempt at humour to tell her,  
"I was putting some books away, and in one of the usually deserted sections I came upon two teenagers that had clearly been snogging not a moment before, based on how quickly they jumped apart from one another." Patsy begins to chuckle, but Delia adds in an almost conspiratorial way, "And it was two boys." Patsy pulls her head back in surprise, and her chuckling fades.  
"Really?"  
"Yes. I wanted to slap them for being so foolish."  
"I should think so." In the stacks of a public library? "How…" Brazen, brave, idiotic? "...idiotic."  
"Exactly."  
"Did they say anything? Did you?" Delia tilts her head.  
"I stood there in surprise for a moment, but then in my librarian voice said, 'this is certainly not the time or the place for that, gentlemen' and they looked terrified." She shakes her head. "I doubt they were even 18 yet, and they looked white as ghosts."  
"They were exceptionally lucky it was you that caught them." Delia nods a bit.  
"One wasn't saying anything, but the taller one began falling over himself trying to explain that it wasn't what I so horribly thought. I stopped him, and said the two of them needed to be more careful, a lot more careful. I could have been anyone walking over and I said that I hope the fear they were feeling at that moment was enough to teach them much more discretion." Patsy nods along. "They were clearly shocked at how I was reacting, but I just shook my head at them again and said 'don't be stupid, you need to be careful'. And I told them to not take stupid risks. And then I made one of them walk away first, and told the other to wait a few minutes, just to be extra sure." Patsy offers a sad smile.  
"Good for you. It's horrible, but hopefully being caught by you is enough of a lesson, and it doesn't take anything worse." Delia may not have as many memories of dealing with being different as Patsy does, but it doesn't take many to know how careful they have to be. Even in trying to help, Delia couldn't say much. Certainly not that she was like them, and risk it coming back to cause trouble. Especially with them being a couple of silly teenagers. "I know people are supposed to find young love romantic and sentimental," Patsy pauses to light a cigarette. "but mainly I find they always seem so melodramatic." She gives Delia a half-frown. "And in this case, it's just downright dangerous." Delia thumps the bed and stands.  
"Yet another reason we should go out and enjoy our evening, knowing we get to come back here afterwards." The both walk down the hall, Patsy going for the washroom to put on her makeup while Delia's going to get changed. She does stop Patsy for a second, "By the way, you look lovely." and gives her another peck on the cheek before she has to worry about messing up freshly applied makeup.


	23. Chapter 23

Delia's sitting reading when she hears slow footsteps and then the turn of the key in the door. She twists in the chair when she hears it's more footsteps than normal, and it's not just Patsy's quiet voice she's hearing.  
"Hello you two, hi Trixie." They look over with tired smiles reflecting the late hour.  
"Hello Delia."  
"Hi, I figured you would be asleep, so we were going to be quiet." Delia shuts her book.  
"Not quite, just about though." She looks the two women up and down as they come plodding slowly into the living room, sitting down unceremoniously on the couch with matching sighs. Delia shouldn't be amused, but she is. "I don't have to bother asking how your day went." Trixie shuts her eyes for a moment as Patsy answers,  
"Mrs. Brown finally gave birth, and we were the replacements."  
"The poor woman was in labour for 15 hours." Trixie adds when she opens her eyes again and lifts her head off the back of the couch.  
"Everything was okay in the end, I hope?" Delia asks, assuming they would look worse if that wasn't so.  
"A healthy baby boy. But we were close, it is late, and the thought of poor Trixie bicycling even a yard further makes my legs ache just thinking it." Patsy explains, even though Delia had already surmised as much.  
"Of course!" Delia agrees, before Patsy can even ask if it's okay. "You should stay." Trixie looks over with a hesitant smile.  
"Are you sure? I would hate to impose." Delia waves her off as she stands.  
"Don't be silly, of course you're staying. Plus I'd put leftovers from my dinner in the oven, and there's more than enough for two. Let me go dish some up." They both start to protest, but she holds up a hand. "Stop. When you have enough energy, make your way to the kitchen." She ignores whatever other protest they might voice and moves to get some plates.  
"I wouldn't even care if it tastes ghastly, the fact that she's getting us food is amazing." Trixie says quietly as she glances over at Patsy, who just offers a silent smile and stands back up. Trixie does the same as more sounds come from the kitchen.  
"You want something to drink, Trixie?" Patsy asks as she moves to the fridge for some soda, pouring out two when Trixie agrees. They sit down at the table just as Delia's putting a second plate down. The sight of some delicious looking chicken and potatoes makes Trixie's mouth water a bit.  
"My goodness, this looks fantastic. I owe you one, Delia."  
"This is wonderful, thank you." Patsy agrees, putting a hand on Delia's arm as she leans over to put some bread down on the table as well. The tone and the gesture are clearly not just indicating friendship, and Delia freezes, eyes widening at Patsy. She thinks Patsy must be exhausted to have been so stupid. Her head swivels around to Trixie though as the blonde chuckles slightly as she places a napkin on her lap and picks up the cutlery.  
"Don't look so scared Delia, that's completely unnecessary." Delia rotates her head again, back to Patsy, confused. The look she sees on Patsy's face confirms what she figures Trixie was referring to.  
"You… and she…?" Delia glares with just a small hint of amazement. "I can't believe you didn't tell me you told her."  
"I didn't! Despite hints over the years, I didn't technically tell her." Patsy squirms under Delia's glares. "Though clearly that's not the important point, and I'm sorry." She quiets down, conceding to the scolding. Both hungry women begin eating, but Trixie's amused at seeing her friend so controlled.  
"She's good at withholding information, isn't she?" She offers to Delia, who rolls her eyes in agreement.  
"Don't get me started." She can't believe Trixie knows, and that she is apparently fine with it. Considering she was engaged to a curate at one point. Still, it's a nice surprise. "Have long have you known, Trixie?" Patsy starts to answer but Delia holds up a hand. "You should be quiet." She warns comically, making sure Patsy knows she really is in the dog house. Delia's going to use this against her for a while.  
"I believe it was about eight, ten months after your accident? Some time around then. Things made sense suddenly, and I essentially confronted Patsy about it." Delia doesn't know what else to say, so she merely shakes her head. She will have to get the full story from Patsy later at some point. She can't believe Patsy didn't tell her. She's had someone outside to possibly confide in, while Delia hasn't. It doesn't seem fair.  
"Well...I'm too tired to deal with this now. I'm going to go make up the other bedroom before heading to bed myself. You two enjoy the food, and sleep well." Trixie chews quickly so she's not talking with her mouth full.  
"Oh no, it's…fine Delia, really. Don't go to any trouble, especially after this wonderful food. The couch is perfectly fine! Really." Delia shakes her head.  
"Nonsense, don't be silly. It's no trouble. Besides…" She glances at Patsy, sternly, "...Patsy's taking the couch. Goodnight ladies." She walks out with a small wave, not seeing the other two's eyes widen. Patsy's out of embarrassed surprise, while a bit of a blush comes to her cheeks, and Trixie chuckles quietly to herself in amusement. Sounds like her friend has some apologizing to do.

Trixie is able to corner Patsy in private at lunch the next day just before they're all about to disperse to go off in their own directions again.  
"Patsy, in the same vein of withholding information last night…" Patsy looks over warily as they put on their jackets. "That's a lovely ring Delia has around her neck." Trixie pretends to offhand. But her meaning is clear.  
"Oh really? I hadn't noticed." Patsy deflects jokingly, playing dumb. Trixie frowns, but still sounds excited when she continues,  
"Oh, don't even try to play dumb with me, silly. I know an engagement ring when I see one! How long has she had it?" She raises her eyebrows. "And how on earth did you get your hands on one?" They make their way out and around to the bicycle corral, just as Sister Winifred is peddling off with Barbara. Patsy hesitates to answer.  
"No, of course you're right. It seemed like an appropriate token. She had it before the accident, but only a few weeks, but this time around it's been about a month, I believe." Patsy looks up and closes an eyes as she figures it out.  
"That is marvellous!" Trixie gives a slight clap and looks very happy for Patsy. Which Patsy still can't really believe, even after two years of her support.  
"Thank you, really. I appreciate that, the fact that you're...thank you." Trixie gives her a smile.  
"Well, I'm annoyed that you didn't think to tell me beforehand! You really aren't very forthcoming. I hope Delia makes you pay for that." Patsy nods.  
"I'm sure I will." Trixie then moves on to reiterate,  
"So, how did you go out and get one? I imagine that was difficult."  
"It certainly would have been. I don't have any male friends to help. But no, I didn't have to." She knows what kind of look this will elicit from Trixie. "It was my mother's." Sure enough, a sad smile comes across Trixie's face.  
"That is very sweet and far too romantic." She perks up and offers a full smile. "I shall want to hear the full story later on tomorrow, at lunch." They both mount their bikes.  
"If you insist." Patsy offers a smile as they push off and then separate at the end of the street.


	24. Chapter 24

The phone rings one evening as Patsy and Delia are just finishing dinner. Delia's the one to answer since Patsy's hands were full carrying dishes to the sink, and when she answers,  
"Hello?" the answer a second later comes in a deep voice,  
"Hello Delia, this is Henley Mount. Is Patience available?" Delia smiles at his ever dignified tone.  
"Of course! Hold the line please, sir." Setting the handset down on the table she calls out,  
"Patsy, it's your father." before heading back for the kitchen. Patsy glances at the clock as she reaches for a hand towel. She should have known, 8:15 on the dot. Whenever he calls her, it's at a quarter past eight. Patsy gives her a thanks as she passes Delia with a smile on her way to the phone. Leaning against the stairs she brightly answers,  
"Hello father!"  
"Hello Patience, how are you?"  
"I'm well, thank you; how are you?"  
"I'm fine, thank you. My reason for calling is that in three days time I will be attending a meeting in the afternoon close to where you live. I would like to finally make sure you are set up with proper lodgings, somewhere adequate. If you will be available that evening." Patsy smiles to herself.  
"Of course, absolutely. Will you be finished your meeting in time to come for dinner as well?" She asks, hopeful. It would be nice to be able to show him that she still knows how to be a proper hostess.  
"That is a very nice offer. Thank you, I accept. I can be at the appropriate bus stop at 6:30, if that's agreeable? The bus schedule looks simple enough to follow." Patsy thinks for a moment about her most likely schedule.  
"Absolutely. I will meet you at the nearby bus stop for 6:30 then."  
"Excellent. Will your friend Delia be there as well?" Patsy is unsure of how to respond.  
"Well, I don't know actually. She would probably give us privacy. I can ask her though. Would you like her to be around?" Patsy asks, hesitantly. She would have asked Delia to go out and leave the house to the two of them.  
"If she could be around, yes. It would be nice to be able to put a face to the voice I occassionally hear." Patsy is surprised.  
"Okay then. If she isn't working or busy, I will see if she can join us."  
"Excellent. Well, I won't keep you any longer. I shall see you on Thursday."  
"I look forward to it."  
"Goodnight, Patience."  
"Goodnight father." He disconnects the call and then Patsy replaces the handset on the cradle.  
"What was that all about? When, more importantly." Patsy looks up as she takes a breath to see Delia standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room.  
"Ah, my father is coming for dinner this Thursday. And if you don't have anything planned, could you join us as well?" Delia looks surprised. That makes two of them.  
"Really?"  
"I know. He says he'd like to put a face to your voice."  
"Oh, that's very sweet, I think. Well, it would be nice to meet the famous man."  
"I'm sure he also wants to know that I'm rooming with the right sort of people." They both walk back to the kitchen.  
"And will I be? The right sort of people?" Patsy smirks at Delia's playful tone.  
"As far as he'll know." Delia smacks her with a dish towel.  
"So, what should we make for dinner then?"

"Go on; everything looks fine and spotless." Delia begins pushing Patsy towards the stairs. Patsy has been triple checking everything since she got home.  
"Yes, but--"  
"Go! The house is clean and in order, the roast is well on its way to being done for 7, and if you don't leave now your father could end up at the stop before you, and you certainly don't want to keep him waiting." Patsy allows herself to be led down the stairs.  
"You are right, of course."  
"Of course I am. Now go." Patsy sits and puts on her shoes, looking up at Delia. Her eyes catching the shine around Delia's neck,  
"Oh my. Delia, please take the necklace off before I get back. I completely forgot." Delia touches it.  
"Oh! I did too." She reaches for the clasp, pulling the chain out from the collar of her dress. "This feels odd, taking it off." She only takes it off when she's having a bath. "I wish I didn't have to."  
"So do I." Patsy stands. "But just put it on your dresser, and in a few hours it can be back where it belongs." She smiles and with a squeeze of their hands Patsy leaves, walking out to met her father at the bus stop.

Delia was right to shoo Patsy out the door, because she was standing there not even two minutes before the bus arrives and her father steps off. They both smile and give each other the briefest of hugs.  
"Hello Patience."  
"Hello father, I hope the bus ride was alright?" She motions and they begin walking.  
"Oh, fine. It's not too far."  
"Good." They lapse into silence as they walk, neither knowing what to say to each other and not wanting to burn through their usual topics right away. After a minute they turn a corner and she motions down a ways.  
"It's just down here, the second from the end on the left." He nods slowly.  
"Well, the street looks fine, close to transportation and not too far off the beaten path. And I suppose there's enough streetlights." He isn't that impressed so far, if he was to be honest. His daughter should be living in a nice area, something worthy of their position. But yet, her desire to work has her in this part of the city. So, given that, he supposes it is adequate. So far, at least.  
"It's quite a nice area, and the people on the street are very nice." As they get closer Patsy points out the window boxes. "I've been trying to decide what to put in these once the weather improves. Something blue, I think." He nods as he looks up and around, surveying the short two story building. Seven units it seems, but at least the brick facade seems to be nicer at this end. "Come on in." Patsy unlocks the door and they walk in, "This is it." As she shuts the door behind them she can hear a lid being replaced on a pot in the kitchen, and then some footsteps. Suddenly Delia pops out with a smile on her face.  
"Hello! Heavens Patsy, take his coat!" Patsy eyes her as her father chuckles slightly.  
"I assure you both, I was just about to get to that." She does, and as she hangs it up Delia offers her hand.  
"Hello Mr. Mount. It's a pleasure to meet you sir." She may seem her typical chipper self, but Patsy knows she's nervous.  
"You must be Miss Delia Busby. Very nice to meet you too, young lady. And to be able to put a face to the voice I sometimes hear."  
"Likewise, sir." Though at least she has seen a picture. "I'm happy you were in the area, and were able to come for dinner so you two could see each other. And thank you for letting me 'tag along' as it were."  
"Of course." They all stand there awkwardly for a second until Patsy puts an end to the silence.  
"Well then, come on in and let's sit. Would you like a drink or something before dinner, father?" She leads them into the living room, adding, "I have Glenlivet if you are interested." She had gone out and purchased it yesterday, since it is his favourite.  
"A little bit would be very nice, thank you Patsy." He sits in one of the chairs, subconsciously placing himself as the centre of attention, Patsy notices. That's always been the case; he in a place of prominence. Delia sits opposite him in the other chair, leaving the couch for Patsy.  
"Delia, would you like anything?" Patsy asks as she steps to the sideboard bar they've set up.  
"Ah, I think I will just have some seltzer, please and thank you." As Patsy goes about pouring drinks Delia looks back to Patsy's father and asks, "So, Mr. Mount, what is it you do for a living, sir? Patsy has said finance and banking, but that's all I have heard."

Delia's question about his work drew Patsy and her father into a lengthy conversation about his work and investments, of which Delia had no interest nor knowledge to add, so she had left them to their own devices when she went into the kitchen to check on the food. After hearing about how strained conversation can be for them, she thought it was nice that, at the very least, the two of them could discuss money and his work with ease. While finishing things up, she'd heard footsteps and Patsy and her father had come through on their way out to the back garden, and then, because there's nothing growing there yet, quickly come back inside. As Patsy's clearly beginning his tour Delia interjects,  
"This is done whenever you two are, so when you're finished come right in. No rush though, of course." Patsy gives her a smile and a nod.  
"Thank you, Delia." Her eyes let Delia know how thankful she really is. They disappear again, and Delia's left to wonder what kind of impression she's made so far. She hopes it's a good one and that her lack of financial knowledge didn't lower her, in his eyes.

After a truly fantastic dinner (with their combined talents, and the added pressure, Delia and Patsy had outdone themselves, Patsy thinks), and a short drink sitting in the living room, Patsy's father announced he had better be off because of more early meetings. So, all three find themselves standing back in the front hall.  
"Thank you for your part of a lovely evening, Delia, that dinner was fantastic." Patsy's father offers as they shake hands.  
"Well, thank you sir. And thank you for coming, and letting me be a part of a great evening. I'm so happy I got to meet you, after all the nice things Patsy has said about you." That's a tiny bit of a stretch, but he doesn't need to know that.  
"You too Delia, I look forward to the next time we talk on the telephone."  
"Absolutely sir." With that, and a quick smile and nod from Patsy, her and her father walk out, leaving Delia to let out a relieved sigh that things seemed to go okay. Patsy and her father head back for the bus stop, walking in silence through the cool air. She decides to take the bull by the horns and asks,  
"Does my place pass muster? I hope you think it's sufficient." After a few more steps, as the bus stop comes into sight, he responds,  
"Based on what I could see, and the area this is, you could do worse." The unspoken 'you could also do better' is obvious to both of them. "It is a shame that someone of your upbringing is living in this part of the city, that is all." He adds, "But you have done well with it so far. It seems like a nice home." Patsy would be insulted if it was someone other than her father saying such things, but she knows it's his way of trying to say he thinks highly of her. They stop at the bus stop, the only two people there.  
"Thank you. I appreciate your honesty." If he absolutely hated it, he would have been just as forthcoming. They stand there in silence for a while, waiting for the bus to show up, and then Patsy's father adds,  
"Delia seems like a very nice woman." Patsy has to agree.  
"Yes, she is." As she nods they fall into silence again. The silence remains for a few minutes. Then, cutting through the evening,  
"I hope she understands how important your mother's ring is." Patsy's floored and swallows roughly as her father's words sink in. She doesn't understand how he would have noticed in the cursory glance in the bedroom during his tour. She didn't even see it on the dresser, where she assumes Delia put it away in the box. If not away in a drawer completely. Surely? Patsy composes herself again, consciously trying to stop her heart from hammering in her chest, and stopping herself from gnawing on her lip. She wants to ask how he knew, but,  
"She does." is all Patsy manages to answer, in a somewhat flat tone. After a few seconds her father nods.  
"Good." As the bus can be heard rumbling closer they stand in silence once again. Patsy's mind is reeling at the outward comment, rather than everything remaining unsaid as usual. She's dying to ask how he knew, but she would never dare to voice it. Her father must sense it, because as the bus appears down the street a ways he offers,  
"I put another stock certificate in our safety deposit box a few weeks ago." Patsy nods quickly. He would have seen it was missing then, and no doubt that had something to do with the timing of his visit. A way to confirm his suspicion, probably. The bus arrives and as it brakes her father asks his usual, "Do you need any money?" She knows it's another way of his to show concern and that he cares.  
"I'm okay, but thank you." He nods as the bus comes to a full stop.  
"Thank you for an excellent dinner."  
"Thank you for an excellent visit. I hope you have a safe ride back." He nods as he steps on.  
"I will talk to you later, goodnight Patsy."  
"Goodnight, father." With that, the visit is over and the bus begins to leave a few seconds later, with Patsy watching it drive off. Suddenly they are both in their own separate spheres again.


	25. Chapter 25

Patsy's father sits looking at the streets go by, not really paying much attention during the short ride to his hotel. If he knew how to put it into worlds, at some point over the years he would have explained to Patsy that he loves her, but he doesn't know what to do with her anymore. After what happened during the war, they both diverted into very different people than who they seemed destined to be before. There was no way either of them could return to a normal family life after that, so they didn't. He wishes it wasn't the case, and he know now that by sending Patsy to boarding school the distance between them grew, but it was all he could do at the time. The love is still there, but showing it or saying it isn't something he can seem to do. How to communicate and talk to one another, they lost that. The both became more task-oriented, focusing on work when they updated each other on their lives. Safe topics. It may not be the best relationship, but it's what they've got, and it keeps then from drifting too far apart. And it's better for them to not bring up certain things, to ignore them. Anything outside of the norm, really, since normal is hard enough for each of them, when it comes to each other. But, despite the inability to express it, or to understand (let alone be fine with it), he is happy she's not alone. He's happy she is alive and happy, and anything else is not really a big concern of his.

Patsy watches the bus drive off until it disappears around the corner, and then she turns to head back home. When she gets closer, she smiles. The curtains may be closed, but seeing the bit of light coming through at the edges makes her happy every time she returns. She unlocks the door and walks in, finding Delia sitting on the couch. After a moment she joins her, with a sigh and a smile.  
"Thank you so much for this evening. It went fantastic." She notices Delia's put the ring and chain back on, but doesn't point it out. "Thank you." She says again, taking Delia's hand.  
"Don't be silly! Thank you, really. It was a lovely evening, at least as far as I'm concerned. Your father seems very nice." Though, she will be sure to say thank you to her own father for being more affectionate the next time they talk. "I wish I knew more, to have been able to join in your conversations, but I hope I still made a good impression anyway."  
"You did. He said he thought you were very nice." Which is good, considering what else he might have said if he hadn't liked her. Who knows how even more awkward and uncomfortable the conversation could have become.  
"Excellent!" Delia smiles, pleased that she came across okay. "Did he say anything else? Did he ask if you needed money, like you thought he would?" Patsy nods as she thinks of how much to say.  
"He did, yes. As usual. It's his way of saying 'I love you,' so it's nice to hear." She pauses, hesitating at the thought of telling Delia what else was said. But, after everything that's led to this, all the ups and downs, she's learned her lesson about keeping things from Delia. In public secrecy is key, but she knows better than to act the same with Delia, and risk her silent wrath. So, Patsy gives Delia's hand a squeeze. "And yes actually, he did say something else…"

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
